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- Today a man by the name of John Smith died today of an apparent heart attack. Authorities found him dead this morning.
Wait, wait. That's it? No funny backstory? Nothing? Really? We've gotta dig some shit up on this guy. What do you mean there's nothing? Everyone's got dirt.
Well then... Umm... We... uh... believe that it is murder and the prime... uh... suspects are the Big Mac and the Whopper.
You know what? Who really gives a fuck? This guy just died. No one cares. Not even his family. Wait, wait. That's my brother in there?
Oh god! John!!!! John!!!! No!!!!