This page reads like an advertisement, and it's meant to.

TIRED OF HAVING TO WAIT UNTIL YOU DIE???

Yeah, me too.

BUT NOW! NO LONGER WAIT!

Why?

FOR NOW YOU TOO CAN EXPERIENCE DEATH WITHOUT WAITING

Really?

That's right!

Just order your C-C-C-CANNED DEATH today!

Instructions[edit | edit source]

Buy the can! Of death! 99% low-fat!
Buy the can opener! Preferrably of death!
Place the can opener (of death) onto the can (of death) in such a way that the can opener (of death) is able to open the can (of death).
Push down on the handle! (of death)
Keep rotating the can until finally you hear this scratchy sound. Or even souls howling from inside the can.
ARE YOU READY? No. Death is unexpected.
Now touch the lid. Watch out. For if you touch inside the lid, you die. Unless you want to die.
Clutch the lid. Watch out. For if you clutch inside the lid, you die. Unless you want to die.
Pull the lid off, and watch as Death emerges to steal your soul. If he doesn't, be patient. He has a ton of other souls to steal too, you know?
Die.

OPTIONAL METHOD

EXPERIENCE IT FIRSTHAND TODAY!

This article is part of the ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO DEATH
Canned Death • Dead • Deadness • Death • Death by sparrow • Death by toaster • Death Cheese • Died • Dying • Everybody will die. • Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch • How to be only slightly dead • How to die • I'm dying! • IllogiNews:Death is imminent, one study shows • IllogiNews:Man Dies • Kill • Killdè • List of Dead People • List of Reasons Not To Kill You In Cold Blood Right Where You Stand • Luck of the Irish • New Death • Noodle of death • Painful death • People who are dead • Spontaneous Combustion THE CURSED WIKI ARTICLE • The fly's dead • The gnomes plotting your death • The hex code of death • The Ultimate Destructo Death Machine • There is a killer in your house • This article causes death • Top 10 ways to die • Top Ten Places to Die • Wave of babies • 100 • 99 Red Balloons Add >>>

Canned Death