Canned Death

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

TIRED OF HAVING TO WAIT UNTIL YOU DIE???

Yeah, me too.

BUT NOW! NO LONGER WAIT!

Why?

FOR NOW YOU TOO CAN EXPERIENCE DEATH WITHOUT WAITING

Really?

That's right!

Just order your C-C-C-CANNED DEATH today!

Instructions[edit]

  • Buy the can! Of death! 99% low-fat!
  • Buy the can opener! Preferrably of death!
  • Place the can opener (of death) onto the can (of death) in such a way that the can opener (of death) is able to open the can (of death).
  • Push down on the handle! (of death)
  • Keep rotating the can until finally you hear this scratchy sound. Or even souls howling from inside the can.
  • ARE YOU READY? No. Death is unexpected.
  • Now touch the lid. Watch out. For if you touch inside the lid, you die. Unless you want to die.
  • Clutch the lid. Watch out. For if you clutch inside the lid, you die. Unless you want to die.
  • Pull the lid off, and watch as Death emerges to steal your soul. If he doesn't, be patient. He has a ton of other souls to steal too, you know?
  • Die.

OPTIONAL METHOD

  • Wait under a staircase.
  • Get someone to throw the can onto your head.
  • Hopefully Die.

EXPERIENCE IT FIRSTHAND TODAY!

This article is part of the
ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO DEATH
Skull.jpg

Canned DeathDeadDeadnessDeathDeath by sparrowDeath by toasterDeath CheeseDiedDyingEverybody will die.Holy Hand Grenade of AntiochHow to be only slightly deadHow to dieI'm dying!IllogiNews:Death is imminent, one study showsIllogiNews:Man DiesKillKilldèList of Dead PeopleList of Reasons Not To Kill You In Cold Blood Right Where You StandLuck of the IrishNew DeathNoodle of deathPainful deathPeople who are deadSpontaneous Combustion THE CURSED WIKI ARTICLEThe fly's deadThe gnomes plotting your deathThe hex code of deathThe Ultimate Destructo Death MachineThere is a killer in your houseThis article causes deathTop 10 ways to dieTop Ten Places to DieWave of babies10099 Red Balloons     Add >>>