Pox
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Destroy All Humans! Warning! This page is involved in Destroying All Humans, we suggest you put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye. |
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Furon Stamp of Approval This page has officially been approved by Emperor Pox, Supreme Ruler of the Entire Galaxy. Now Silence your hot air bags and read the article, filthy pathetic crackpot human! |
| Evil Mastermind | |
| |
| Pox | |
|---|---|
| Classification | Furon |
| Position | Ruler of Earth and 74th level Furon Warlord (The levels only go to 60) |
| Weapon | Big Science Words |
| Loyalty | Himself Furon Emperor Axis of Evil-Doers |
| In it for | Destroying us all! |
“A Furon after my own heart, If I had one...”
“I loathe you...”
“I bow to no man, except Pox!”
“I didn't clone you to think.”
“They must have captured her for study. Can't imagine what they hope to learn.”
Orthopox "The Man" 13 is better than you. Bow to his feet! He Demands it! He has a big head, with a really big brain inside, and he is a hero to Furons everywhere. He loves scheming, explosions, and bossing around lower lifeforms. Some of his achievements include The conqueror of Zargon 5, The Hero of the battle of Tharsis Mons, The winner of the Xanthrax-47 cruelty award six years running, He's the second most senior fleet commander in the entire Furon Navy and he enslaved hyper-dimensional insectoids on the dunghills of Beedleblat while you were still in short pants!
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Pox was born several eons ago, by his mother, Audrey II, and his father, Chuck Norris. His head was too big to pass, so they had to operate to birth him. Pox, like all Furon Kids, well, most of them... at least the awesome ones, was born in an expensive penthouse suite, in the City of Gorta, on the Furon Homeworld. Naturally, his enormous head was taken as a symbol of high respect and greatness, and people worshiped it, because not only was it big, but it was as shiny as something...really, really shiny. In the earliest form of Furon Grade School, called Neverland, Pox found playing with blocks pointless and stupid, so instead he chose to fling them around with the amazing ability of psychokinesis, which is a leading attribute to all Furon kind. His classmates were afraid, and Pox used their weaknesses to conquer grade school. This was his first time conquering anything, and provided him with a massive confidence boost. Growing up, Pox was extremely popular with the Furon women, and was also notorious for being a local bully, often beating E.T. up for school money, but E.T. was a pansy anyway. Pox was also good friends with the Predator, and had the hotts for the Alien queen. However, these friendships were shortlived when the two got in a fight and killed each other. Soon after this, the Furon Emperor learned of Pox's greatness, and offered him a job in the Palace.
Life in the Penthouse Palace[edit | edit source]
After his first few days in the Palace, Pox started to enjoy it. He ordered the Furon senators to roll over for him like dogs, he had room service everyday, and got wired on enough coffee to finish his paperwork and still have enough time to harrass the secretaries in the lounge. However, one of these girls decided to harrass back, and after they realized how intellectual each other was, fell in love. The Furon's name was E.Coli, the Furon Emperor's personal secretary, and well known lap dance giver. Sometime later, E.Coli left Pox for his sister. Pox then quit his job, and enrolled in the army.
During The War[edit | edit source]
Pox enlisted as a soldier in the Furon army, and became a part of the Martian War, fighting against the sworn enemy of the Furons, Dick Cheney, leader of the Humans The Blisk. Pox's first achievement was Sabotaging Bill Gates's secret counterfeiting operation on the moon of Endor, by throwing a suicide bomber Blisk into the printing press. Soon, Pox became reveared as a great warrior and strategist. Helping conquer Planets X, Y, and Z, and also creating peace with them and the Greys. Pox was also reveared for capturing the Halo weapon, and using it to Pwn Master Chief after he had joined the Blisk. Pox then enlisted the Arbiter on his side. Soon after his victory on Tharsis Mons, an entire planet made of cheese whiz, Pox was appointed to the Warcouncil, and over the years, rose up to be it's second most senior senile member. Pox then was able to claim victory for the Furon Empire by pwning all the blisk on their home planet, Pluto.
The Golden Years[edit | edit source]
After a hard day's pwning, Pox settled down back on the Furon Homeworld, gloating about his success, and pissing the other Furon Warmongers off. During the war, excessive use of Plutonian Bombs had caused their nads to schricel up and vanish. Sex was impossible. Pox then built himself a personal laboratory, and was asigned his own personal Furon warrior and Lab assistant, Crypto. Pox and his new friend were the dynamic duo, discovering things from Super Cancer, to Regis Philbin. During this time eriod, Pox's low use of his legs, cause him to lose the ability to use them, resulting in him having to use a Floaty Chair. Finally, after a couple years, Pox then discovered the secret to Immortality, cloning sex. Pox was able to clone an exact copy of any Furon, with exact Personality and memories, preferably ones that didn't involve sex or drinking, or both. However, also due to the mutation, the genes got stupider, sometimes even disfiguring a Furon so badly, they looked like Your Mom. After Pox did some more research, and drank a few more beers, he concluded that the human race all had a single strand of Furon DNA in their Cerebral Cortex, after they landed there during the war and "let off some steam". Pox then Proposed the Invasion of the Planet Earth to the war council, and after forcing them all to agree with him, set of for Earth with Crypto's 136th clone.
Postinvasion To Present[edit | edit source]
In orbit around Mars, Pox sent Crypto 136 to Earth to scout it, however, being a complete and total dumbass, 136 tried to land on a nuclear testing site, and his ship was shot down by a launching missile. Pox then cloned the 137th clone, whom was a lot better at his job, dispite being a homicidal maniac. Under Pox's command, Pox lead Crypto to over throw the American government, assassinate president Hilary Clinton, and take complete control of America, and it's comrades. This voctory was shortlived after Russian leader Joseph Stalin launched a missile at the mothership, destroying Pox, and raining on Crypto's parade. However, the Great Orthopox cannot be destroyed, and he miraculously was able to download himself into a special Furon iPhone, called a HoloPox unit. Pox then gave the order, and kicked Russia's ass.
Business and Pleasure[edit | edit source]
During his time on Earth, Pox was well known for Starting Businesses, Stealing Businesses, Making Businesses, and Pwning crappy businesses. Pox once had a Talk Show simply titled Orthopox, where he talked about random things, and invited specials guests. The show was very similar to Oprah, only better. Pox, also being the Evil Genius he is, also created The Jackson 5, Ronald McDonald, Wal-Mart, and Sears Tower. Pox's greatest financial achievement was, however, Big Willy's, which he opened in the 1970's. Big Willy's was an extrememely successful hotdog joint, which Pox ruled over with and iron fist. The Restaurant opened it's 500th installation in Rockwell, New Mexico. Due to the success, Pox also had a rival- Kolonel Kluckin's Chicken. Kluckin nearly succeeded in destroying the 500th Big Willy's with Suicide Bomber Roller Girls, however, Pox seduced them with his awsome, and they blew up. However, after fighting Kluckin himself in the Weiner mobile in Vietnam, Pox became bored with the restaurant, closed it down, took the profits and headed to Vegas. No one has heard from him since.
Business Partners[edit | edit source]
People Pox swindled into assisting him in world domination business.
- Bill Gates
- Donald Trump
- John Travolta
- Adolf Hitler
- Emperor Palpatine
- SmaxoGlithKline
- The Grim Reaper
- Your Mom
- Zim
- Paris Hilton
Awards[edit | edit source]
Throughout his like, Pox has won trillions of awards, but, here are just a few:
- Xanthrax 47 Cruelty Award
- Medal of Honor
- Medal of Valor
- The Purple Heart
- The Floaty Chair Hurdling contest, 1st prize
- PK Tennis Championship
- Oscar
- Grammy
- CMA
- Golden Globe
- Sexiest Furon Alive
- Cleanest Eating Facility
- Cleanest Public Bathroom
- Shiniest Teeth
- Largest Head
- 1st place in the Pin the Tail on Fidel Castro Tournament
- and about 100 trillion more.
Failures[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately Pox isn't perfect at everything. Here are a couple of the things he IS NOT good at.
- Losing
- Failing
- Retreating
- Driving
- Being Nice
- Sparing Lives
- Cooking
- Physical Labor
- Surviving Explosions in one piece
- Punishing insubordinate Furon Warriors after death
- Solving those damn Rubix cubes
- Walking
- Speaking in Mono-syllables
- Talking Trash
- Being Friendly with You, not Your Mom
- Seeing through walls, and girl's pants
- Learning about failing... NO WAIT POX I-
