Jonald Truden

Jonald Truden in the Oval Office

Jonald Pulchra Pisces Truden (Born 1834, revived from cryopreservation in 2004) Is the 32,643rd President of Super America, serving from 2005 to present. Jonald Truden's life and political career is highlighted by his unusual behavior, supernatural abilities, and unknown origin. His most unusual feats include surviving a fall from the atmosphere, displaying various superpowers, manipulating reality, and contradicting the details of his own article.

On November 8, 1834, a bright, pulsating orb fell down to Earth, inducing global seismic activity. Later, it was determined the orb was, in some form, Jonald Truden. While authorities never officially found the landing site, An elderly couple that lived isolated in Texas woke up to the knock of Jonald Truden at their door. They taught Jonald Truden to 'understand' human mannerisms and language.

In 1894, Jonald Truden had somehow cryogenically frozen himself. After years missing and frozen, his body was found deep in the ice of Antarctica by a team of scientists. He went on after his freezing to have a largely successful political career, marked by fraught proposals and cataclysmic battles.

Possible Interstellar Origin and Career

“Criminality – it's a crime!”

~ Jonald Truden campaign slogan

While it is impossible to know, many respected public figures have long speculated that the white orb was of interstellar origins. There is, however, no evidence to disprove nor validate any speculation, as no samples were ever recovered. As of 2009, Jonald Truden's place of origin is still undetermined, but research is ongoing. Additionally, after being contacted for information on Truden, the Dust Association of America confirmed Truden was not a super-Sauropsid, or a lizard person, and was instead some new unidentified lifeform.

In 2019, Jonald Truden was elected the President of Super America after winning by 6.7 percentage points. He was appointed instantaneously and immediately created dozens of controversial new laws that passed without any input from Congress. During his tenure, Truden also began to appear on the E! reality television series Keeping Up with the Truden, which aired as a 24/7 livestream.

Rise to Prominence

In Jeremy, 2021, Jonald Truden had a high-profile duel against the superhuman Kanye West. Kanye, unannounced, arrived at the Oval Office to request a duel. Truden accepted, and the following battle caused an unparalleled amount of catastrophic collateral damage, the likes of which humanity has never bothered to clean up. In the aftermath, Truden was declared victorious.

In Serpeniver 2022, Truden was found guilty of being a criminal. His high-profile campaign issue of criminalizing crime itself thereby made a lasting impact on his own career in a way he hadn't foreseen.

2021 Capitol Tour

In 2021, Jonald Truden's tour of the American Capitol Building made headlines. There were 24 hour long raves, filled with both possible and impossible drugs, and the attendants ended up so frenzied they believed they had traveled the whole solar system in their excitement, allegedly meeting "positive aliens" from elsewhere who inspired them to riot and revolt in the name of a new faith passed on from another galaxy. At the core of this missionary agenda was subterfuge, as onlookers reported that the visions were absent of the true Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodliness.

The attendants, who had realized they had been duped, began revolting, but it all came to little when they tripped and fell and were then swept under the carpet – a very large carpet. Jonald Truden reportedly stamped said carpet with his personal seal of approval just hours afterwards, and it later sold for $45.5 million when put up for auction. While at first some claimed that the missing attendants were included in the bargain, the investigation was soon wrapped up in the carpet, and Truden was cleared of all suspicions of human trafficking, even despite sample tests of the carpet reporting it was composed of human hair.

2024 Senile Boxing against Himself

Having worked doubly since 2021 as both record-breaking illegal rave-fixer and President at the same time, Jonald Truden's life of hard toil noticeably began to wear him out within a few years. It may just have been age, though – despite his apparent remarkable lifespan. Yet the frenzied activity of his political career wouldn't let up, rather it grew even wilder.

By 2024, Truden's long-running tendency to argue with himself, including in public, seemingly grew stronger. Various observers, including political commentators, began to suspect he was growing senile, given some of the stumbling, incoherent things he were saying. Other political commentators highlighted that several of the comments were actually repeats of things he had said decades prior. Soon, Truden himself would appear to confirm his bizarreness, accusing himself of having become demented. The political debate surrounding Truden also began to concern and unknown project for Truden's century of Presidential reign, revealed in the work of his sponsors and influencers, who were notorious architects of various lauded beliefs and projects. The mysterious circumstances for how Truden might reshape not only the US but also life internationally were initially of no concern to the public, but then, an anonymous whistleblower provided video of Truden speaking to disembodied voices at an empty table. In the controversy that ensued, protestors and elected officials clamored that the voices should be illegal. The motion to outlaw disembodied voices was eventually vetoed by Truden, who instead issued executive orders offering 'Voices for All'.

Wanting to sort out his growing series of issues with himself and his elusive plans once and for all, he organized a series of high profile boxing matches. In the first of these, he repeatedly struck and stumbled around the boxing ring, and finally succeeded in knocking himself out. This led to consternation among the general public, who began to view him as unfit given his stammering speech following the boxing match. Hoping to turn things around in his favor, a second boxing match was planned in which he'd strike back and, as he explained it, win back those torn over him.

The Rematch

That second match never took place as originally planned, because in his weakened state Jonald Truden eventually gave up his own role in it, resigning himself to going into a nursing home. In the nursing home, Truden claimed to commune daily with dogs and cats, but when others couldn't find them, he claimed that this was because he had eaten them. The spread of this story greatly fueled negative sentiments against illegal aliens, somehow.

Truden soon regained some of his awesome power and left the nursing home; and seeking a rematch of sorts, he opted to change the rules and procedures surrounding the boxing match, replacing his opponent with Grover Cleveland, a legendary seasoned heavyweight boxer and professional Fortnite player. During the match, Truden advanced upon Cleveland aggresively, but Cleveland successfully nailed an uppercut on Truden's jaw, knocking him down. Truden, infuriated by the humiliation, struck Cleveland several times after he had knocked him down, resulting in a point deduction by the referee, Obama Bin Laden. Following arduous matches, Cleveland was ultimately the victor. Truden was fine with that, knowing Cleveland well and expecting as much from the former president, though he later lamented that he should have "wiped the match from history before it was too late".

See also

• Justin Trudeau – Jonald Truden's evil twin and Canadian counterpart