Jonald Truden

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Jonald Pulchra Pisces Truden (Born 1834, revived from cryopreservation in 2004) Is the 32,643rd President of the United States, serving from 2005 to present. Jonald Truden's life and political career is highlighted by his supernatural abilities and unknown origin. He has survived a fall from the atmosphere, been revived from cryopreservation unharmed, manipulated reality on several occasions, contradicted the details of his own article, and possesses an unknown amount of multiple other abilities.

On November 8, 1834, thousands of people around the globe claimed that a bright, pulsating orb appearing like a star fell down to Earth. The fall was followed by a loud crash that was heard around the entire world, and a minor earthquake. Later, it was determined the orb anomaly was, in some form, Jonald Truden. While authorities never officially found the landing site, An elderly couple that lived isolated in Texas woke up to the knock of Jonald Truden at their door. They raised Jonald Truden into 'understanding' human mannerisms and language.

In 1894, Jonald Truden had somehow learned how to cryogenically freeze organic matter perfectly, and proceeded to freeze himself. His body was found in an underground bunker in Denver, Colorado. He went on after his freezing to have a largely successful political career, despite his controversial plan to [DATA EXPUNGED], possibly causing an end-of-the-world class scenario.

Possible Interstellar Origin and Career[edit | edit source]

“Criminality – it's a crime!”

~ Jonald Truden campaign slogan

While it is impossible to know, many [1] respected public figures have long speculated that the white orb was of interstellar origins. There is, however, no evidence to disprove nor validate any speculation. As of 2009, Jonald Truden's place of origin is still undetermined, but research is ongoing.

After being contacted for comments on Jonald Truden, the Dust Association of America confirmed Jonald Truden was not a super-Sauropsid, or a lizard person, and was instead some new unidentified life form.

In 2019, Jonald Truden was elected the President of The United States after a landslide victory. He was appointed instantaneously and immediately created dozens of controversial new laws that passed without any input from Congress. These laws, oddly, coincided with a rise in drug use, though now we can't call the drugs illicit.

Rise to POWER Prominence[edit | edit source]

In Jeremy, 2021, Jonald Truden had a high-profile duel against the superhuman Kanye West. Kanye, unannounced, arrived at the domain of Truden, requesting a duel. The following duel was responsible for an unparalleled amount of collateral catastrophic damage, the likes of which humanity has never bothered to clean up, per usual. In the aftermath, however, Truden was declared victorious.

In Serpeniver 2022, Truden was found guilty of being a criminal. His high-profile campaign issue of criminalizing crime itself thereby made a lasting impact on his own career in a way he hadn't foreseen.

2021 Hit Tour[edit | edit source]

Jonald Truden made headlines during and after his 2021 hit tour of the American Capitol Building.[2][3][4] It was a wild, wild rave, filled with the use of both possible and impossible drugs, and the fans ended up so frenzied they traveled the whole solar system in their excitement, allegedly meeting "positive aliens" from elsewhere who inspired them to riot and revolt in the name of a new (to Earthlings) faith passed on from another galaxy. At the core of this missionary agenda was a message of peace and salvation, requiring strict obedience to a higher authority, that of whichever authority figure went up the farthest while tripping.

The fans got going according to plan that same day, but it all came to little when they tripped and fell and were then swept under the carpet – a very large carpet. Jonald Truden reportedly stamped said carpet with his personal seal of approval just hours afterwards, and it later sold for $45.5 million when put up for auction. While at first some claimed that the missing fans were included in the bargain, the investigation was soon wrapped up in the carpet, and Truden was cleared of all suspicions of human trafficking.

See also[edit | edit source]

The Presidents of the United States of America (not the band)
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John AdamsJoe BidenGeorge BushGeorge W BushGeorge W. BushBill ClintonThomas JeffersonJohn F. KennedyAbraham LincolnRichard NixonBarack ObamaFranklin PierceRonald ReaganFranklin D. RooseveltHarry S. TrumanDonald TrumpGeorge Washington

George Dubya BushMillard FeelmoreJonald TrudenGeorge WashingmachineObama Bin Laden

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References[edit | edit source]