Microsoft DOS

Microsoft DOS (Delete On Sight) is a memento of computing from back when people ate zeroes and ones for breakfast. In those days you could get work done so fast they'd ticket you for speeding on the information patch of dirt (the information superhighway hadn't been built yet).

Microsoft DOS utilized the most advanced text adventure command system of the day. This system accepted commands ranging from del stupid.txt to live life /long /prosperous (buggy).

As of 2008, Windows Double Hung Edition is on 97.5% of the world's machines and DOS is considered obsolete. As a result, humanity has progressed from typing words into a computer, to pointing at icons and making loud clicking noises in the manor of an ape. He's probably not pleased!

List of Microsoft DOS commands

• del - make files indelible so they can never be erased.
• copy - plagiarize a file from another directory or volume (yeah, that's Microsoft's ethics for you).
• move - steal a file from another directory or volume.
• live - fulfill one's wildest dreams. It never functioned correctly. A switch, /die, was never documented and users were encouraged to try it for themselves.
• sudo - "I'm already root. Sweet."
• unjam - fixes DOS whenever it becomes jammed.
• jam - jams DOS whenever it becomes fixed.
• win - run the new operating environment. Ironic.
• cd - load a CD-ROM (remember those?).
• help - print an informative message ("Bad command or file name").

A rare glimpse

_Doo... Doo... ^Doo...

Doo doo!

Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum...

See also

• Microsoft DOS's long-lost cousins, MS-DOS and DOS
• MS-DOS 5 Upgrade