Windows 96
Windows 96 is an evil piece of junk Microsoft released between 1996 and 2001, before the widespread Windows 98 came. It differed very little from Windows 95, since it could run tacos and omitted the floppy disk drive. It was only sold in Best Buy stores in California, so thus no one bought it and Bill Gates lost an opportunity for $567,696,687,778 from the American public.
Conception[edit | edit source]
Gates wanted some more money to burn in his furnace for air conditioning, so he decided to release an even worse version of Windows after Windows 95 came out. He made it taco-compatible and decided the floppy disk drive was bad for American adolescents, since it made them look like their DOS-parents so he also omitted that. He also decided that Solitaire was not enough to keep the card-game lovers busy, so he went into his lab, mixed some trihyodrogen dioxide, and invented FreeCell. He decided to include a minimal burrito-reader for the fun of it, so he did (it could only read beef and bean burritos).
Features[edit | edit source]
Windows 96 only had these features:
- Iraq Reader-A program that kept track in the War in Iraq, so Gates could make money.
- Wikipedia editor-A program that was supposed to let you edit Wikipedia, but was just a picture of a horse, so Gates could make $344,545,437,764,456 on it.
- Dubya Monitor-a way to keep track on Dubya. It made Gates $556,475,477,466,454,545.
- Solitaire and FreeCell-the only two games it was capable of running. This saved Gates $455,233,344,446,776.
- No Internet-It could not run Internet. This saved Gates -$565,454,548,899.
- Nothing Else-Well, what it says.
Reception[edit | edit source]
It only sold 4 copies to stupid shoppers in California and was not shipped anywhere else.
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Everyone hated it since it had so few features and Gates was upset since he lost money on it. He then cried to his mommy about losing $564,555,645,489,897,656 which is 0.0000000001% of his total wealth.
