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“See daddy, your pumpkin is real smart. It says so right here on banana.con”

~ Kelly Bundy

“I'd hit it.”

~ Francis. E. Dec on Blondes

Blondes are a super intelligent race of uberspies who masquerade as blundering idiots by the authority of Um Bungo. While the pretence of being a "yella bellied slob" is some sacrifice on their part (usually the ultimate sacrifice: death or an afternoon spent entirely in the company of Barry Scott) it allows them to collect top notch information on trusting' law abiding' regular' normal, almost robot like, mundane, ice cream bearing (as in a bear that eats people whilst freshening his breath with ice cream) people. Blondes appear to enjoy limb throwing and dismemberment but actually privately engage in charades and after eights once anyone with an IQ above pink leaves the room. Blondes send off their covertly gathered information to the Cheerios branch on Earth (turn left at the wrong volcano) and if in doubt ask Harry Potter for some sort of direction; if he groans in a high pitched voice he means go forward, slide to the right, take it back now y'all, and then your there. If he moans in a low pitched voice or talks in standard English, RUN!! (Or walk, he won't harm you either way).

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