User:Zaiger420/AnonIB

Introduction

Established in May 2006 by boy genius Alphabet, AnonIB became one of the leading "new /b/'s" following the original /b/'s downfall on August 23, 2006. It quickly rose to become become one of the interweb's leading image dumps, specializing in furry, yiff, CP and wall to wall fail. Despite its questionable content and mentally handicapped userbase, the site ran smoothly for nearly two years, until The Supreme Fucktard Mindpoop took over administration and decided to buttfuck its userbase for the lulz.

On April 1st 2008, AnonIB was blackbagged by the party van, largely due to Mindpoop's unbelievable faggotry. The original site vanished into the ether, resulting in the tragic loss of over 9,000 child pr0n boards. Millions of pedophiles were left homeless in ensuing chaos, which is now known to be linked to the economic recession currently gripping the world. The New Improved AnonIB finally returned around July 2008, with perverts and furfags scrambling to recreate their pedo-boards before The man could assrape them again.

Fully updated with computer-destroying pop-ups and batshit crazy moderators, AnonIB now functions as the final cesspool for all of the shit generated by 4chan and its rivals. Every gross, disgusting, tired old meme to ever grace the tubes eventually finds its way to AnonIB (along with the masturbating fucktards who originally posted them). Individual boards cater to a wide range of interests relating to naked children and barnyard animals. By far the most popular board is Mindpoop's very own Teens No Rules (TNR) which manages to combine the two areas in ways never before imagined, even in Your mum's sickest fantasies.

Historical overview

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AnonIB: hands down the SHITTIEST chan on the entire fucking interwebs.

Some time ago in the dim, dark recesses of last thursday, a promising young genius named Alphabet envisioned a scheme under which every single furfag in the universe could create his very own 4Chan with a minimum of trouble. Unaware of the horror he was about to unleash on the unsuspecting world, Alphabet named his new site AnonIB; Anonymous Image Board. The new system was viewed as a godsend by furries and pedofags (mostly because they couldn't post their sick-ass shit anywhere else), and was an immediate success with basement dwellers across the globe. Before long, AnonIBs were erupting forth like cum over a camwhore's face, and every pathetic loser in the States had an imageboard to call his own - even the dimmest morons too fucking stupid to learn basic php.

AnonIB flourished well under Alphabet's administration; so well, in fact, that the bandwidth soon outstripped AB's limited resources, leading to intermittent downtime and major BAAAAWWWING from the furries (not that anyone cared about them, of course). Alphabet himself was reduced to begging donations on several occasions, but AnonIB's userbase proved amazingly loyal, sometimes contributing as much as five dollars to help keep the site running. The show limped along like this for almost two years, and though money was always tighter than a Republican's asshole, the kiddie pr0n continued growing at an exponential rate and everybody was happy. (Except maybe The Partyvan, but we'll get into that later.)

The real problems began when Alphabet handed AnonIB over to online pornographer Mindpoop. A pathological liar in every sense of the word, Mindpoop has often claimed to have bought the site from Alphabet for several hundred thousand dollars, but this is complete bullshit, like everything else he says. Internet detectives have conclusively proven that Alphabet gave the site to this money grasping, child-molesting faggot because he simply couldn't afford to run it any more. Some argue nothing, because this is the truth, and Mindshit has since proven himself to be the biggest cunt on the interwebs.

Having AnonIB firmly in his cum-smeared hands, Mindshit immediately set about raping the site with banners ads, pop ups, pop overs, pop unders, interstitials and every other kind of shit imaginable. User complaints were either ignored or met with open contempt; in some cases, posters were told to bend over the table and spread their cheeks for penetrative buttsecks. Anyone who objected to the changes was flamed into submission by Mindpoop's hired trolls, and all mention of Alphabet's "Golden Age" was forbidden on pain of immense butthurt.

The Party Van

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Partyvan strikes again and another imageboard site bites the dust.

By the end of March, Mindshit's faggotry had reached levels that even the FBI couldn't ignore, and the Partyvan turned its attention to AnonIB's writhing cesspool of pedo-flavored crap. Absolutely no warning was given: the first sign of the approaching lollercaust came when the entire site vanished without a trace in April 2008. Chaos spread through the intertubes like a torrent of liquid shit: yiffers and pedofags alike were left jerking off to empty computer screens, while millions of dimwitted basement-dwellers were forced to return to 12chan in search of tender young loli flesh. It was the biggest online Bawwwwfest since the Borg invasion of 2007, only with infinitely more fail for everyone concerned.

As usual, the blame could only be placed on the site's new administration. Spending most of his free time fucking Krazyfag in the ass, Mindshit somehow failed to notice the vast amounts of kiddie porn being exchanged hand-over-dick on Teens No Rules and other child-friendly boards. In retrospect, the result was as predictable as it was unavoidable: The Man confiscated the entire fucking intertubes and AnonIB disappeared faster than a camslut's hymen on her twelth birthday.

Eventually the butthurt cleared long enough for someone to ask WTF was going on. Needless to say, answers were not immediately forthcoming: Mindshit was too busy trying to evade the complimentary cavity search at Partyvan Central. Knowing that thousands of angry /b/tards were now howling for his blood, Mindshit did what he always does best: he lied through his fucking teeth to shift the blame onto someone else. And as usual, the userbase swallowed it like a whore gorging on pecker-snot.

According to Mindshit, AnonIB was the victim of some vast global conspiracy or some shit (the details are unclear, his story's changed so many times it's impossible to fucking tell these days). Here's how the tale originally went:

When Mindshit tried to switch servers in March, the new hosts tried to extort money out him, demanding around 20K in hookers and blow to keep their mouths shut about the child pr0n boards. It was later revealed that these so-called service providers were actually a consortium of international cyber-terrorists with connections to al-Qaeda, 9/11, and Scientology. When Mindshit bravely told them to fuck off, they handed the hard drives over to the FBI (who now has the IP address of every last pervert who ever visited the site, or so the story goes).

Many epic threads containing reams of original content were lost when the FBI seized the disks; these will probably never be returned. Since The New Improved AnonIB went back online, there are many more rules about what you can post, anything with nudes under 18 is not allowed, teens no rules now has a fuck ton of rules and whenever something good is posted the girl who it is posts threatening to send the Partyvan over - the mods/admins then shit themselves and delete the threads. They even ban for saying what you would do to an underage girl. The new owners also raped the site with banners ads, pop ups, pop overs, pop unders, interstitials and every other kind of advert you can think of.

Global Moderators

File:KRAZYFAG.gif

Business as usual: Mindshit and Krazyfag discuss policy at AnonIB.

Due to a massive crapflood of spam, CP and Fail last thursday, the New AnonIB is now patrolled by the Global Moderators, a band of inbred neo-Nazi faggots whose sole purpose is to ban anyone they don't like. Potential drama hovers around defcon 4: hardly a day goes by without one of these bleeding cunts pitching a childish BAAAAWWWfest over some trivial user complaint. The worst offender is KrazyPyro77, a worthless, dog-fucking sack of shit who only managed to score moderator status by sucking Mindshit's dick every day for three months at least one hundred years. This subhuman clusterfuck often claims to be Polish to cover up the fact that he can't spell for shit, and will instantly banhammer anyone who points out his rampant, illiterate faggotry. This is invariably followed by a protracted BAAAAWWWW about how no one appreciates all the hard work he does uploading kiddie porn to Teens No Rules.

Other popular mods include Fromstf and JD, whose job it is to hunt down and delete any board lacking homosexual content. The remainder of the staff are a coalition of world class assholes who spend most of their time ruining the internets and jacking off to pictures of Bill O'Reilly. They can usually be found hanging out on the New Suggestions Board when they aren't out playing Internet Tough Guy or encouraging little boys to suck their lollipops. This is where the majority of AnonIB drama actually takes place, largely due to everyone knowing that the mods are a bunch of sick fuck pedo-fags. Basically, anyone who objects to the vast number of CP boards gets raped up the ass and banned until the end of time; the only ones who escape summary judgment are those willing to kiss Krazypro's puckery asshole at least 99 times.

Please note that while the New Suggestions Board says "post your complaints/issues/suggestions here", ordinary users are forbidden to voice their grievances on pain of death. Mindpoop actually set up the board to give the Global Mods somewhere to whine like the butthurt little bitches they truly are. Consequently, the slightest hint of criticism will get your ass b& for the next sixty years, so just watch your fucking step, faggot!!!

Memorable Quotes

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Typical mod's reaction to a user complaint.

Posting a legitimate complaint on New Suggestions will result in prompt action from AnonIB's extremely mature and highly trained moderation staff:

• You expect us to act professionally? this is a free image board, not a fortune 500 company. You don't pay us and we don't get paid so piss off.

• Fuck I hate these idiots why doesn't anyone read board rules.

• We have to put up with your bullshit, being snippy a cunt comes with the job.

• We are not your friend, we are not your family. We are the mods we enforce the rules and deal with your bullshit. we can say what ever we want and troll you all we want.

• this isn't a commercial site, so you don't have any 'rights' on here.

• Fuck you, we're mods, we can do whatever we want, and you can't do a damn thing to stop us.

• if the anonib staff cared enough to reply to any email or petition, i would be mightily surprised.

• You have no idea how this site works, do you? Learn the hierarchy of AnonIB because I highly doubt God of Anon, Mindpoop, or the Global Moderators give a shit.

• Go fuck yourself.

• There are no rights expressed or implied on anonib. You are subject to the whims of others. Nothing irks me more than people claiming to have rights on websites they do not own.

The Pop-under Virus Saga

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AnonIB malware warning: Posting this to the New Suggestions Board will win you an instant banhammer.

Amongst the many crapshit changes introduced by the new administration were literally thousands of pop-unders, each one capable of evading even the most sophisticated ad-blocker. In spite of the admin's official explanation, these pop-unders were not added to increase the site's revenue, but rather out of a malicious desire to seriously fuck up your computer. This was accomplished through the use of drive-by downloads and numerous viruses (including the dreaded MicrosoftEXE), leading to the destruction of over 9,000 hardrives and the economic collapse of Iceland.

Eventually, some brave soul ventured to point out that it did not make good business sense to fuck with your userbase and drive them away by the millions; unfortunately, he was immediately assraped with the banhammer and forced to suck Krazypro's cock for six months. Despite intensive buttfucking by the Global mods, the complaints continued to mount up as countless users had their systems infected. The Admin immediately reacted to the problem by adding more pop-unders and instructing the Global Mods to kill anyone who complained. Fromstf and several nerds from the TechHelp board suggested using Firefox plug-ins such as greasemonkey, but most people thought he was discussing his sexual fantasies again. A few users actually appealed directly to Mindpoop himself; however, he was too busy assfucking his pet monkey to bother answering his emails. And so things stood for at least one hundred years, with users BAAAWWWING that the pop-unders were destroying their computers and the Globals screaming "STFU you faggots, we don't fucking care!!!"

A typical example from the New Suggestions board:

ANONYMOUS:

I think my computer got a virus from one of the pop-unders. The admin really needs to do something about this.

GLOBAL MOD:

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STINKING LITTLE DRAMA-FAGGOT!!! THE ADMIN DOESN'T HAVE TO DO SQUAT!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE POP-UNDERS, GET THE FUCK OUT AND START YOUR OWN DAMNED BOARD, YOU WORTHLESS, DOG-FUCKING INGRATE!!!

ANONYMOUS:

Jeez, things were never like this under Alphabet.

GLOBAL MOD:

ALPHABET DOESN'T OWN THIS BOARD ANYMORE, YOU COCKSMOKING SACK OF PIGSHIT!!! THIS SITE COSTS OVER $9000 TO MAINTAIN, AND THE POP-UNDERS PAY THE BILLS!!! IF YOU CAN'T PUT UP WITH A COUPLE OF VIRUSES DESTROYING YOUR HARDRIVE EVERY TIME YOU LAND ON THE SITE, THEN THAT'S JUST TOUGH SHIT, ISN'T IT??!!! NOW CRAWL BACK TO YOUR BASEMENT AND FUCK YOUR FAT WHORE OF A MOTHER UP THE ASS AGAIN!!!

ANONYMOUS: Surely you don't want malware on the site.

GLOBAL MOD:

OK, THAT'S IT!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU WHINING FAGGOTS BAAAWWWWING ABOUT HOW BAD THINGS ARE AROUND HERE!!! BANNED FOR LIFE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCKTARD!!! KEEP THE FUCK OFF OUR SITE!!! IF WE CATCH YOU HERE AGAIN WE'LL RAEP YOU UP THE ASS WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!!

The malware continued raping AnonIB like Hitler in Poland until Mindpoop took a break from his cocksucking and noticed the drop in revenue as users abandoned the crap-infested site by the droves. Instantly shitting his pants, MP realized that fucking over his user-base wasn't, in fact, good for business, and set about rectifying the oversite. This consisted mainly of posting one message admitting there may be a problem; claiming that the administration has no control over which pop-unders contain malware; and to report it to your friendly Global Mods if an infection occurs. Mindshit presumably returned to his beloved buttsecks soon afterwords, as no one has heard from him since.

As of this writing, AnonIB is still flooded with viruses, pop-ups and assorted faggotry. Practically nothing has changed, except that the entire site has been blacklisted by Internet Explorer, leading to a MASSIVE downturn in web traffic. AnonIB is now teetering on the brink of bankruptcy due its computer-destroying viruses, and the admin stubbornly refuses to purge the malware from its network. In addition, board creation was disabled for two months, multiple boards have been fragged, thousands of potential users locked out by the malware - and the Globals STILL claim there's nothing wrong with the fucking site.

What a bunch of faggots.

The Peon Revolution of 2009

By the beginning of January 2009, AnonIB's mentally deficient user-base was on the verge of outright rebellion. Mindshit and his ghey fuckbuddies had assraped the site for close on twelve months and literally everyone was sick of the constant shit flooding the system. Trolls had overrun New Suggestions, SFW boards were innundated with child pr0n and servers were crashing faster than a /b/tard cums over his monitor. Requests for technical support were met with the familiar refrain of "fuck you" from the Globals, while GodOfAnon made it his business to personally buttfuck anyone who dared criticise the admin's handling of the situation. In short, AnonIB was descending into a whirling cesspool of fail - and the best part was that absolutely nobody gave a shit.

By February 2009, daily traffic took a sharp nosedive as the malware reached critcal mass. AnonIB was blacklisted by both Google and IE due to trojans, pop-ups and related shit, the final result being that users began deserting the site by the hundreds. The entire network became a ghostown overnight; the only boards seeing the slightest profit were those of the "child friendly" variety. As usual, the admin denied any wrongdoing during this treadmill of faggotry, blatantly denying that any problem even existed. Within days, a full-blown flame war broke out on New Suggestions as users demanded improvements and the Globals defended their god-given right to flush AnonIB down the shit-tube. The arguments usually went something like this:

---

User: Any chance you could clean up the system? There's so much malware around here you can't even access the site most of the time.

Adminyous: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU COCK-SUCKING FAGGOT!!! THE SITE WORKS PERFECTLY, ITS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOUR FUCKING DRIVE CRASHES!!! DOWNLOAD SOME ADBLOCKERS OR GTFO, YOU IGNORANT RETARD.

User: I'm using both Adblock Plus and IE7 Pro, but my disk is still getting infected. You have to do something about this crap.

Krazyfag: SHUT UP, STUPID FUCKTARD!!! WE NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HOMOSEXUAL IDIOT LIKE YOU!!! WE ARE GLOBAL MOD, WE MAKE RULES HERE!!! GO BACK TO CELLAR AND HAVE SEX WITH MONGALOID CHILD, UGLY PERVERT MAN!!!

User: Look - if you get rid of the malware, more people will be able to access the site. Traffic would improve, and profits would increase. Removing the pop-ups will generate a higher income. Surely you want to raise the site's revenue.

IWR: WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TRAFFIC, YOU BRAINLESS CUNT?!!! THAT KIND OF INFORMATION HAS NEVER BEEN RELEASED, NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THAT EXCEPT THE ADMIN. FUCK OFF YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SHIT!!!

User: Actually, the traffic's been falling steadily since December 2008. You can look it up at Websiteoutlook.com; it's all there in black and white.

GodOfAnon: SO FUCKING WHAT?!!! WE RUN ANONIB, WE MAKE THE DECISIONS, WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT WITH THE SITE!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY WE DO THINGS HERE, YOU CAN GO TAKE A FLYING FUCK AT THE MOON!!! NOW PISS OFF BACK TO 4CHAN, YOU FUCKING PEON!!!

Sound familar? That's because at AnonIB the shit just nevar ends. The standoff came to a head when Mindshit himself weighed in on the argument, stating that the site probably would do better without all the AIDS-infested popups. This seemed to pacify the peons to some degree: n00bs and oldfags alike rejoiced across the entire web, celebrating AnonIB's impending liberation from the malware tyranny. And so matters stood until word got 'round that Mindshit no longer actually owned the site - and that subsequently, nothing the lying fuck said was worth jack shit at the best of times.

Unknown to everyone, GodofAnon had been in control of The World's Shittiest Chan since December 2008. Like his predecessor, GOA proved to be an arrogant cunt-wad more concerned with sticking blow up his nose than running an imageboard. His first act was to crush the Peon Revolution by erasing everything on the New Suggestions board and posting a general sticky telling the userbase to go fuck itself: "There will ALWAYS be advertisements on AnonIB, you worthless FAGGOTS. This ISN'T a democracy and you DON'T have any say in how this site is run. If you don't like the pop-ups, then that's TOUGH SHIT, isn't it? Download greasemonkey or piss off somewhere else, you whining assholes!!1!!"

AnonIB went offline the following week.

AnonIB Terms of Service

"We support any Board engaged in, promoting, linking to, or having apparent links to the following:

• child pornography
• beastiality
• underage sex (especially "lolita")]]
• rape
• incest
• password trading
• warez
• hacking sites
• any site engaged in illegal activity (including copyright infringement)

Children under 18 may be posted on any NSFW board. All images must contain nudity; anything else will result in an instant ban."

How to Troll AnonIB

Trolling AnonIB's Global Moderators is almost ridiculously simple. Just go to the New Suggestions Board and do any of the following:

• Claim that you are an underage girl whose nude photos have been plastered all over one of AnonIB's numerous child pr0n boards. Be very careful not to mention which board or provide any otherwise 'useful' information.

• Post a message demanding that all of the 3D lolicon boards be shut down on the grounds that they're child porn. Then sit back and enjoy the shitfest while the pedo-fags start screaming that 3D loli is not illegal and that jacking off to CG pics of little girls being fucked up the ass is the Constitutional Right of every red-blooded American pervert!!1!

• Pretend to be Chris L. Hanssen and write a long, childish message complaining that someone is harassing you. Utter chaos will ensue for at least six hours, because everyone absolutely hates this guy (Note: this particular Chris Hanssen is NOT the man with the seat).

• Post a batshit crazy message threatening legal action if Teens No Rules isn't shut down by last Thursday. Follow up with some samefag replies supporting the idea.

• Tell Krazypyro he's an illiterate cunt.

• Announce to the world that the Global Mods are a bunch of lazy, incompetent faggots, then apply for KrazyPyro's job on the grounds that at least you can read English.

• Complain that the NSFW sites don't load in IE. This will get you banned until the next Ice Age for some reason.

• Post a picture of Patrick Stewart (who is bald) onto any board you come across, then report it to the Global Mods as CP (Captain Pickard, gettit?).

• BAAAAWWWWW that you were unfairly banned from some any board. This will generate a lulzfest of titanic proportions.

• Pretend to be some crapshit DA fan artist whose work has been posted to AnonIB without permission. For extra lulz, say that your copyright notice has been deliberately removed, and that you'll be taking legal action if the pics aren't taken down immediately (NB: be sure to mention that your uncle is a big city lawyer, this is practically mandatory on AnonIB).

BREAKING NEWS, ASSHOLES

April 25 2008: The hoster where the new server is located at wanted $20k a month for bandwidth bills and pulled the site.

May 1st, 2008: AnonIB is up again although without backups. Mindshit stated that they got v& and the FBI has their hard drives due to their hosting company suspecting that CP had been posted on the server. This spells certain doom for all patrons of the site, both past and present.

BREAKING UPDATE - Mindshit has killed the site, redirected all AnonIB addresses to mindpoop.com, and has stated that, while the site will be the "new anonIB", there will be "no more user created boards" and that "Teens No Rules will not be remade". This means that, effective as of May 5th 2008, anonIB as it was known is dead and gone. DISREGARD THAT!!! THEY'RE BACK (TEMPORARILY)!!!

BREAKING UPDATE - Mindshit has deleted the post saying that board creation would be disabled and that he'd only be adding boards he wanted to. Apparently, he's not a complete idiot. To placate infuriated users, he's also promising that all current anonIB boards would be transferred to mindpoop.com and that the servers would be fast as lightning after the changeover. This is, of course, complete and total horseshit.

BREAKING UPDATE - According to information posted at Websiteoutlook.com, AnonIB's daily traffic has been falling steadily since December 2008, took a sharp nosedive around February 2009, and is now at an all-time low with the site completely offline. Appears that that GodofAnon and The Butthurt Squad are determined to drive the entire site into the sewer by the end of the year. Well, that's only to be anticipated: what else can one expect from an admin composed entirely of trolls and faggots?

BREAKING UPDATE - More AnonIB faggotry: the transfer is finally complete, the boards are back up - and site is STILL complete and utter SHIT. Despite GOA's assurances of a MASSIVE IMPROVEMENT under the new servers, absolutely nothing has changed. In fact, things seem even worse than before: boards are twice as slow, images aren't uploading and the whole fucking site has been vanishing for hours at a time! Fighting a losing battle here, guise. This has to be one of the most spectacular examples of EPIC FAIL ever seen on the intertubez.

THIS JUST IN!!!

Dateline: 16 August 2009

"Unnamed scriptkiddies have just mounted a successful raid against AnonIB; hacked in via an exploit and deleted fucking everything!! Literally thousands of boards fragged in a matter of hours; millions of furries and pedofags left homeless in the ensuing chaos. Hackers originally claimed they were from 420chan, but the most likely suspect is Ebaums.

No word from AnonIB's admin so far; GOA and Mindshit seem to be completely unaware of the encroaching lollercaust. In the meantime, hundreds of desperate furfags are trying to set up new boards, but the hackers are still raeping the site into oblivion. To quote the invaders: "Although everything was deleted, nothing of value was lost."

More details to follow as the situation develops."