Rick Astley is the world's No. 1 God-Commander, best known for inventing Quantum Kung-fu and defeating Barack Obamatron in a one-on-one divine dance-off involving disco. About five minutes ago, he ascended to become a godlike disco warzone being, assuming he wasn't one already, and now secretly watches you watching him on the interwebs.
Rick's epic life.
Rick was born into the town of Flowerville, England.
Rick Astley was a guy who, from birth, could not stop dancing in any way. At all. So he decided to take up carpentry, assuming that the steering wheels required to make a single jar of pudding was not enough to slash him in twopieces. It was. Soon afterwards the two pieces soon became one piece of golden rockstarium, which soon split up again into the shape of lightning comets and bombed the Whitehouse.
Then Rick was approached by Mega TeleVision to produce an album called Some Dead Corpse Has Walked Into My Office. He declined, obviously, but he existed in this continuity long enough for MTV to produce a song called "Never Gonna Give You Up". It required baiting him into standing on a plank and begging him to whirl around at omnilightspeed. He then vanished shortly before MTV finished filming, subsequently obliterating the place, and then blew up Antares for looking at him unfunnily.
Rick defeats Obamatron
Rick Astley once met Obama, who told him that disco sucks. Rick promptly spazzed out for a 6 minutes and immediately challenged Obama to a dance-off.
After battledancing with Obama for a while, he punched him in the face and then proceeded to transmute him into a platinum chainsaw limousine, made out of pure alienized awesomeness, and drove at warpspeed into the hypergalactic sunset.
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