Iodine

Iodine is the element that promises to waste three seconds of your life, but in reality, only wastes two seconds of your life. But when you don't get enough of it, it wastes over a week of your life and an arbitrary number of United States dollars. Due to hypothyroidism. It would be almost as fun as unununium, but its name is far boringer.

We take what we can get.

Safety precautions

Only when dealing with iodine-131. Just eat a lot of iodine-127 first.

Iodine also turns plumbers purple, but it's okay because they love it.

Thyroids. They are very ok for you.

Teh conspiracy

Iodine is a conspiracy by early 20th century Norwegian and Swedish communists who want everyone to eat lutefisk. If you get iodine, you'll start liking lutefisk. And the worst part is that you'll actually like it! One time I took iodine to the zoo and the monkeys started farting in German. That's because Scandinavia is actually a company with multiple constitutions headquartered in Dublin--Illogicopedia is currently experiencing technical difficulties. You could stand by, but they'll most likely take a long time to fix, so you might as well go and watch some TV.

Periodic Table

Group # 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 Period 1 1 H hydrogen 0 n neutronium Nonsence Illogicopedian Elements 2 He helium 2 3 Li lithium 4 Be beryllium 5 B boron 6 C carbon 7 N nitrogen 8 O oxygen 9 F fluorine 10 Ne neon 3 11 Na sodium 12 Mg magnesium 13 Al aluminium 14 Si silicon 15 P phosphorus 16 S sulfur 17 Cl chlorine 18 Ar argon 4 19 K potassium 20 Ca calcium 21 Sc scandium 22 Ti titanium 23 V vanadium 24 Cr chromium 25 Mn manganese 26 Fe iron 27 Co cobalt 28 Ni nickel 29 Cu copper 30 Zn zinc 31 Ga gallium 32 Ge germanium 33 As arsenic 34 Se selenium 35 Br bromine 36 Kr krypton 5 37 Rb rubidium 38 Sr strontium 39 Y yttrium 40 Zr zirconium 41 Nb niobium 42 Mo molybdenum 43 Tc technetium 44 Ru ruthenium 45 Rh rhodium 46 Pd palladium 47 Ag silver 48 Cd cadmium 49 In indium 50 Sn tin 51 Sb Antimony 52 Te tellurium 53 I iodine 54 Xe Xenon 6 55 Cs caesium 56 Ba barium * Lanthanoids 72 Hf hafnium 73 Ta tantalum 74 W tungsten 75 Re rhenium 76 Os osmium 77 Ir iridium 78 Pt platinum 79 Au gold 80 Hg Mercury 81 Tl Thallium 82 Pb lead 83 Bi bismuth 84 Po polonium 85 At astatine 86 Rn radon 7 87 Fr francium 88 Ra radium ** Actinoids 104 Rf rutherfordium 105 Db dubnium 106 Sg seaborgium 107 Bh bohrium 108 Hs hassium 109 Mt meitnerium 110 Ds darmstadtium 111 Rg roentgenium 112 Cn copernicium 113 Nh nihonium 114 Fl flerovium 115 Mc moscovium 116 Lv livermorium 117 Ts tennessine 118 Og oganesson * Lanthanoids 57 La lanthanum 58 Ce cerium 59 Pr praseodymium 60 Nd neodymium 61 Pm promethium 62 Sm samarium 63 Eu europium 64 Gd gadolinium 65 Tb terbium 66 Dy dysprosium 67 Ho holmium 68 Er erbium 69 Tm thulium 70 Yb ytterbium 71 Lu lutetium ** Actinoids 89 Ac actinium 90 Th thorium 91 Pa protactinium 92 U uranium 93 Np neptunium 94 Pu plutonium 95 Am americium 96 Cm curium 97 Bk berkelium 98 Cf californium 99 Es einsteinium 100 Fm fermium 101 Md mendelevium 102 No nobelium 103 Lr lawrencium