Hi. I'm THE.
Theeze are my writings.
Proceed at your own risk.
EPIC artikles are at the top in BOLD.
The rest of my writings are underneeeeth in the order they were written.
The Incredible Adventures of Melville Amsterdam and the Collapsible Ironing Board
The Incredible Adventures of Melville Amsterdam and the Collapsible Ironing Board: PART TWO
Boris and the American Dream
The Three (or two) Brothers (and sister) and the mighty Secession Tree
The Monstrous Monster from the Murky Marsh
The Most Honest Person Of All Time
People do the Funniest Things! (kollab with Teststostereicch)
The Tremendous Appendix of Infinity
A Small Civilization
Santa Claus the Socialist Menace
Nigel The Newspaper
The Barber and the Gerbilsucker
Man With Toad on Head
The BAGEL incident
The old woman in the corner
A Story About a Moral Dilemma (Cake)
The Main Character
A hamster on a keyboard
World War I
I looked under my doormat and found a mango and started screaming at it even though mangos have no ears (IS FEEAT)
Does Something Funny
The Microsoft Word Paperclip
You are snoring
Kitchen Utensil Experiment, part 76
Can rocks laugh?
But if he did that, he'd explode
IllogiNews:News articles becoming anticlimactic
LisTeN tO the hOleS
The Pencil Incident
Unsuccessful searches are often caused by searching for common words like "have" and "from", which are not indexed, or by specifying more than one search term (only pages containing all of the search terms will appear in the result).
Houses aren't made of salt
I Made a Salad
The Marauding Armies of Can I have a Slice
Another day, another wombat
Planet of the Grapes
Mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble CARROT STICK!
No, I don't think so
The Armpit League
Phlegm Biscuit: An Underdog Story
During my time in Belgium, I seem to have forgotten what the Heimlich Maneuver is. Can you please describe it to me?
Hahahha, we will edit your SOUL
I am attempting to think of a creative title for an article
Monumental and Impressive--Gee Willickers!
I HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO DECIDE WHAT OBJECTS TO SMASH
No i thought you could cook tomatoes
Excerpts from the diary of Reverend Increase Mather, 18th century preacher
OH JEEZE. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THE OL' DOCTOR WAS BEHIND ALL THIS.
Bill the Ostrich
Captain Gargle Saves the Day
Cam Tram Lam Bam Mim FOOZAAAH! Creegle, Neegle, Sheee-woop! Da-ding, Da-ding, Nubbleeeeeey! Ca-bow, Ca-Bow, Fa-TING!
Reagan the Cross Town Armpit
Why has nobody ever nailed a paintbrush to a wall?
Nicaragua (old man in picture frame)
Captain Worpp? Captain Worpp? Are you gonna eat those candle wax?
Oh no I ripped it
The Land of the Unidentified Lump just to the Right of the Shoulder Blade (...If I ever ate that many hamburgers...)
I just got a pop-up on the right side of the screen that said "The Love Button---Push me hard!!!"
We're gonna go to the spaghetti
An article written while listening to "Whipping Post" by the Allman Brothers Band
A public event of some sort
Nothing but napkins
Yum, two month old Vicodin
Are You Still...Naked?
Inspiration & Hair (Bloody bags!)
The Black Box
If you press a flashlight to your eye (closed), you will see giraffes
Inspired by Fork.
Wikipedia Your Destiny!
The Legless Hippo Returns Triumphant
How Smart are YOU?
A Page composed of several of my older edit summaries from this site & illogicopedia compiled into a sort of free-verse poem
IllogiNews:Wikia turns us all into IP users again (IP)
STEM BIALO FROM EAR EXPLAIN
Every morning you wake up and say hello to your ceiling, though it doesn't listen. If it could talk, this is what it would say.
The Comfort of One's Couch (mucus)
If you give a walrus anything in particular
Another Story About Wadsworth (the protagonist from two of my previous articles, "Party Time!" and I think "Acne")
Malpractice: How Big is YOUR Elbow?
Crew trainer, cook, cashier, order taker
My search for the elusive ANSWER.
Elmo Loves You
In the hospital (after being set on fire)
2001: A Snail Odyssey
Step Inside (Other side of street)
The Ant Who Never Slept
Public Photography Exhibition
They Screamed so Loud that Nobody Heard Them
Unnecessary Information about THE
Muffins: Fact or Fiction?
Please Return Red Table
The sky is a giant blue thing above your head
The Letter Q becomes His Master
HowTo:Predict the Future with Poop
Butch's X-TREEM antivirus software
Trapped in an Elevator!!!!! AAAAAH!!!!
Wait...Whose Brain is This?
The Counter Game (Great Time-Wasting Fun!!!!)
C is for Calculus (rewkwest)
Rapist (a rewrite of some sort)
Olive's Slimy Autumn
The Belly Button Article
Whoa my gosh (rewrieiet.00)
This is the 180th article I've written on illogicopedia
Computers Smart Enough
Wadsworth Cleans Poop off the Walls
Jeopardy: Cancer Edition
Why didn't he talk?
MY HEADPHONES NO WORK NO MORE
Banana Dissection (Nsnsns Foddrvopm)
The Contact Lens Procedure
Paul Newman's Eyes Look Really Strange When They're Upside Down.
The Stages of Life
The Adventures of Timmy the Horse Head
Whenever I hear somebody speak Latin, something happens to my eye
Time. Bedroom. Night. Fan.
The Title of this Article Is NOT Ambiguous in ANY WAY!!!
Ancient Flying Reptiles
If you press "random page," and land on this article, the world will end in exactly one month
An Article About Libraries and Spiders
Nom Nom Use, Nom Nom Nom, Nom Nom Nom Nom
I cried for a day
R (Garage) G
Wikipedia (Scratch and Sniff Version)
HowTo:Summarize Hamlet with One Word
The Incredible Captain Rectum
Clarence Dwinkly Award for Shoe-Tying Excellence
HowTo:Impersonate a Boulder
The Psychedelic Haircut Experience
HowTo:Get the Girl of your dreams to Notice You
I Threw Up and A Baby Came Out
A Lot Of Static
Jesus Give me Ice Cream!!!
The Stand-Up Raisin
Rings of fire drawing themselves around one's neck in a lasso fashion, then proceeding to strangle one with the power of hellfire itself.
His Brother of Giggling
7 signs of rapture
A Peice of Paper Came out of My Nostril
Breast Implants For Babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An Attempt to Type With My Belly Button
Sexual Innuendo in U.S. Currency
Mr. Twin Pads
The Man who had an Itch
After Reproducing in a Bed with an Armadillo in It
Friendship Talking Television
Car Crash World
The Awkward Moment Registration Office
Where did All this Cheese come from and Why has Nobody Yet Eaten It?
Scattered Like Body Parts in the Shower after the Phone Rang
All Dead Since 1859!
Allgemeine Anlageverwaltung’s balance sheet structure
The Man with Skyskrapers for Legs
The French Fry Slaughterer
The Entire Population of Europe in a Bathtub Day
The Jesus-Satan Arm Wrestling Competition
The Guiness Book of People who Haven't Broken any World Records or done anything worthy of Notice
Giving Birth to Saxophones Forever
The Pregnant Women's Football League
Man With Toad on Head
YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GO ON THE TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Composed Spring Cookout
IllogiNews:Research reveals that Jesus was crucified on a Rubber Duck
I Had An Idea But I Forgot It
Freedom of Peach (I REMEMBERED!!!!)
Contrary to the Opinions of the Gentlemen from New York...
The Miserable Howls of Goats and Watermelons
Let's Build a River out of Plastic Wrap
Our admins do NOT abuse their powers!!!
The Disturbingly Perfect Marriage of Lucinda and Fred
Blueberries! Blueberries! Not wheelbarrows, but same jaw smack!
Yet Another Fantastic Idea
A Different Kind of Luck
Billy Mays, Michael Jackson, and their Goldfish
The Poor Man (and his Ice Cream)
Baby Pig is Trapped in Skull
The Whole Truth has Changed the Shape of its Mouth
Reassembling a Dead Duck
Attempted Photocopy Lesson
Ambient Wiggle Legs
At the Top of a Very Tall Building
The Guy Who Went Hunting for Lions in the City
Celebrity Poop Collectors
Identity Crisis in Barbershop Mirror
Richard's Recreational Roadkill Baptism
Good and Evil (in a Tent)
Amateur Cosmetic Surgery Made Easy!
This Morning I woke up in a Sandwich
Squid (Birth Control Device)
The Toes of the Nun
The Palace of the Empty Soda Can
The Apocalypse Lullabye (Awake)
The Articles I Lost
The Foot Fungus
Mount Rushmore (Intestinal Version)
You Must got Soda in Your Blood!
Revolving Pumpkin Head
Creatures with Ankles
HowTo:Create a Meaningful, Happy Life for Yourself Using Nothing but Paper Towels
The Romantic Behind the Toilet
The Melancholy Crayon
The Banana Censorship Brigade
A Couple of Two Posters
The Art of Awkwardly Introducing Yourself
Dave's Quiz Show
ALLERGY MEDICINE CASSEROLE
I Miss Pretending to be a Suitcase
Listening to Happy Potatoes
Song of the Fire Alarms
Christmas at the Mall
Doctor! Doctor! I'm only Spleens!
The Society for Telling the Poor you Feel Sorry for Them
Is He Singing, or is it Phlegm?
Ruth considers slightly more meaningful vocalizations
Let's Cover up all the Sad Things with a Really Big Blanket
Under the Crab Therapy
Long Conversation with Aching Back
Man Talks to Wooden Sign
The Thrill of Traffic Jams
The Solo Career of Paul McCartney's Kidney
Plastic House of Representatives
Shall we Enter Vacant Towel?
Suspicious Man with Very Large Coat
Whose Moss Gives
Creating Divinity with Poultry and Awkward Accompaniment
New York (Pondering Concrete Cookies)
Replace the Sponge
Newly Found Stable Face
Henrietta the Cheerio
The Back of the Television
Plastic Surgery at the Gas Station
The Three Sentences that Could've Solved All the World's Problems
I think I Hear Your Wretched Clapping
Freight Never Bears Train
Triple Tongue Rotation
Regarding Always Quite More Strangely
Man with Yellow Beard Places Each Person Inside a Space Helmet
Man Reaches Destination by Place Built of Shovels
Get Born Again Inside Our Tents!!!!
Thoughts While Reading T3canolis's Article "Thoughts While On a Roller Coaster"
Carol Opens the Window, then Closes it, then Opens it Again
Clown Mouth Revisions
Brushing Your Teeth in a Godly Manner
Burt the Barfbag Ponders Love
Basically Juggling Canoes
A Lung on the Sidewalk
People Coming out of Other People
What He Meant By His Own Way
They're Not Gonna Want Me There Too Early
A Cannibalism Joke with Undertones of Societal Commentary and Dystopian Satire
Never Do This With a Rolling Pin
Wouldn't Be IF N
Unrelated Quote Guy (ritten lonng ago on uncyklopeedia, brott bakck from the ded thanks to Fonch)
Empty Chairs (...and be human?)
Take Care of My Dirt
Out the Dinwp
Dinner Table With Pillows
A Concert is a Blender
A Man Eats a Lemon and Then He Goes to the Dentist
He Kicked the Wart
Pilots Some Big Bigger
Self-Awareness Exploded Everything
We're Basically Books (I saw Humanity in those Sugar-Covered Sticks)
Pent Up Magpies
Canoeing the Sandbox