ShamWow

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The ShamWOW is a weapon of such massive destruction that is has been banned for the rest of eternity by the U.N. and Bill Gates. If it is ever used, it will rip open the space time continuum and super fun-time monkeys will pour out, destroying all of the chocolate milk ever. We all know what will happen then. Riots, mass suicide, and the ending of lolcatz (NOOOO!!!).

The Creation[edit]

The ShamWOW was first created by the Germans during WWII. Even then, they knew that if they used it, they may just lose lolcatz forever, so they decided against using it, and instead concentrated on creating the Bunny Bathroom Slippers as their main weapon.

Later uses of the ShamWOW[edit]

The ShamWOW does also have other uses, including washing cars, RVS, boats, and Christmas trees. These uses are 120.354% safe because nobody has yet hit the 1" diameter, contrasting color, flashing hidden button in the very center of the towel.

Random Cool Facts[edit]

Vince, the well known endorser of the domestic uses of the ShamWOW, was "put in jail" for "something illegal", when he discovered the true use of the ShamWOW. By "put in jail" I mean "slept with the fishes". By "slept with the fishes", I mean put in a bed with stuffed fishes; FOREVER!!!

One time, a terrorist group got control of a ShamWOW, and threatened to use it, but got raided by the Super Invincible Loveable Lolcatz Yummy Cheeseburger Awesome Team Squad, (S.I.L.L.Y.C.A.T.S), because they need their chocolate milk NAO!!!

Act 3[edit]

Enter the villain. ShamWOW uses 9000 volts of pure heavy metal. It's not very effective. However, the real important thing is learning the value of friendship. ShamWOW achieves capitalization. Run little humans, run. Lolcatz is returned to life with the powere of Capitalization. They scam a couple of dumb actors and retreat to the Bahamas. Fin.

And Finally, Free Cake[edit]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The cake is a lie!!!

This article is part of the
ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
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