Tic Tac

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For those who like Satire, the benefactors at Uncyclopedia have an article about Tic Tac.

Introducing the Tic Tac.

The tic tac is a "popular" form of weaponry. (Please note that a secret organisation of evil tic tac ninjas IS coming to devour your mind)... The tic tac has been purchased by over 100,000,000,000,000 ninjas, addicting people across the globe, from the USA to Uganda. Please read the following when purchasing what is commonly known as the tic tac.

Tic Tac tactics[edit]

This is a guide to using the tic tac. Firstly, some precautions:

  1. NEVER trust the OTHER tic tac ninjas. Basically, this is war, dog eat dog, crazed mongooses. You are your only hope/mongoose/dog.
  2. Tricky, clever ideas are all fine and good, but the best way to manipulate another follower is the old "free sample".
  3. The tic tac is not to be underestimated. This is minty gold and it's pretty expensive! Never hold for more than a 1/2 nanosecond if you don't want a funeral for yourself.
  4. Don't let this come in contact with anything except the bottle. This is a flammable, poisonous, addictive, irritating, toxic, flying magical unicorn-y weapon, that goes really well with cheese. This is strictly bottle to mouth stuff.

What to de when you are a'tac'ked[edit]

  1. Don't accept free samples. Especially ones from cheese factories!
  2. Ninjas are experts at flirting. If ever you come across a pretty lady, that seems totally un-ninja-like, wearing a tight black t-shirt, with a sharp swiss army/tic tac ninja knife, then check her back pockets (preferably before she offers you free samples or slices your head off). If you should feel a piece of soft leather, RUUUUNNNNN AAAWWWWAAAAAY!!! This is because she is a normal lady who is taking a stroll carrying a wallet, and it looks like you just tried to nick it... sorry about that.
  3. Be ready for anything.
  4. Get some of your own tic tacs and become a tic tac NINJA!!!!! You could rule the world!

For those who are a'tic'ted'[edit]

For those people who are already addicted to tic tacs, here's your 'tic'ket to freedom. Follow these steps to kick the habit in the ass.

  1. Bring your right foot behind your back and all the way around to your nose till it touches. Don't worry - the pain you are feeling right now is simply the natural stretch... good!
  2. Grab a 100000000000000000000000000 pint bottle of Dr. Pepper, hold it between your legs, and drink through a hollow reed.
  3. Refrain from eating any more tic tacs. THIS METHOD IS THE ONLY WAY TO CURE YOURSELF OF THE TIC TAC CURSE!
  4. NOTE: To actually BECOME a tic tac ninja is a different matter altogether.
This article is part of the
ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
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