OK, I'll take a stab at it.
Mum is in the kitchen, as usual, putting some sort of din-din together. She seems oblivious to the starry, starry night all around her. The knee-hills are abating, slowly, but with intent. The thing-baby clasps the Stabby-thingy! His withered thing-hand bothers the handle lovingly, also with intent.
Suddenly, the starry, starry night does not change.
Water begins to boil after 4 and a half minutes...
FIN The Hispanic male sat across from the district attorney, smirking, thinking of his double-Jason. "Double-Jason means you can't try a man again for killing his wife twice," said the mustachioed and vaguely capable of further Gaelic hirsuteness Hispanic man. The poor man couldn't even afford a real ax. There would be no band.
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ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
Axe • Banana Gun • Banhammer • Bat Fuck Howitzer • Bat Fuck Moped • Blade of grass • Bomb • Bombs • Bombs that fall upwards • Burgulator • Chainsaw Bayonet • Chicken gun • Choko Chipper • Confetti Knife • Conkers • Crossbow • Crowbar • Ecky-Thump • F Bomb • Feghaly • Fuffy kitty fuff (WMD) • Giant Crowbar • Gun • Ha Ha! The Bomb • Knife • Kunai • Lightsaber saber sabersword • List of Illogicopedian weapons • Machine gun • Magic bullet • Magic Missile • Mongolian Cheese Cannon • Panic • Pogo Sticks With Knives Stuck On the End • Rainbow Breath • RMDs • Sconed • ShamWow • SMG • Sock • Spartan Laser • Spontaneously Combustible Eggs • Stab • Stabatorium • Stabby thingy! • Stun gun • Suicide Bombers • The Ultimate Shotgun • Tic Tac • Ultraness SMG 513 • Vandal Smashing Bat • Vandalrist • Warisms • Weapons • Weaponized Dog Farts • Wepon • WIP • AK-420