Ha Ha! The Bomb
Something bored a hole in the side of my head and implanted an antenna. I know where your headquarters is and how to get inside it. Nobody is really prepared for this kind of thing, are they?
I know something of pyrotechnics. It will be a lovely explosion, taking out a city block in every direction. I've already killed my cat, so she won't suffer in the conflagration to come. And don't tell anyone who did this thing. It's the least you can do after what you've taken from me.
You see, I've discovered your little scheme to export thoughts from our heads in our sleep. You thought no one would catch on, but I did. I discovered the microchips in the drool on my pillow this morning. The design indicated only one manufacturer possible, and that manufacturer is contracted by your organization.
Your plans to take control of key people in government has been exposed. I've told my therapist, and he assures me that steps are being taken to counteract this threat. I have heard about the cabal you claim does not exist, but I tell you, I know what I know, and you will not escape my vengeance.
Let your staff go, I'm only interested in you and your transmitter. You know who you are. I know you cannot leave the building. I cannot leave the building. I have cut my ear off, thus disabling your implanted system. You cannot escape. I cannot escape. I am waiting somewhere nearby. If you find me, I will detonate. The only ones who can be saved are your innocent staff.
I am among you now. It will not be long. But it will be over quickly. Both of us will be at a kind of peace soon enough. I will save the planet from you. I will save myself from you. I will die anonymously, like all good saviors.
It will all end now. Don't try to trace this, because I'm already there and there is nothing either of us can do. This is not madness. It is the only choice left to me. Nothing personal.
The one waiting right now, and it's too late. Tick, tick....
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ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
AK-420 • Axe • Banana Gun • Banhammer • Bat Fuck Howitzer • Bat Fuck Moped • Blade of grass • Bomb • Bombs • Bombs that fall upwards • Burgulator • Chainsaw Bayonet • Chicken gun • Choko Chipper • Coconut gun • Confetti Knife • Conkers • Crossbow • Crowbar • Ecky-Thump • F Bomb • Feghaly • Fuffy kitty fuff (WMD) • Giant Crowbar • Gun • Ha Ha! The Bomb • Knife • Kunai • Lightsaber saber sabersword • List of Illogicopedian weapons • Machine gun • Magic bullet • Magic Missile • Mongolian Cheese Cannon • Panic • Pogo Sticks With Knives Stuck On the End • Rainbow Breath • RMDs • Sconed • ShamWow • SMG • Sock • Spartan Laser • Spontaneously Combustible Eggs • Stab • Stabatorium • Stabby thingy! • Stun gun • Suicide Bombers • Tank • The Ultimate Shotgun • Tic Tac • Ultraness SMG 513 • Vandal Smashing Bat • Vandalrist • Warisms • Weapons • Weaponized Dog Farts • Wepon • WIP