Now what went through your mind when you saw the title of this article was probably...
"What the hell?"
Well this article is simply about "Suicide Bombers."
Now Suicide Bombing is not an easy job. You don't just strap a bomb to yourself and explode it. There are many maneuvers and lots of training involved in this job.
There are also a few requirements needed to get the job:
- 1. You must be depressed.
- 2. You must hate your life.
- 3. Need to be careful with bombs.
You can apply usually anywhere in the Middle East. WOOPS! Racism!
The Training begins at the School of Amateur Losers Who are Willing to Explode Themselves for Reasons Somewhat Unknown, otherwise known as SALWWETRSU. There, you learn about the job the bombs and what is going to be happening to you. There is a drill where you strap yourself, jump on a fake plane, and explode yourself. It is optional of course, this is to separate the idiots and the smart people... Very clever indeed. If you pass the tests given to you every week over a 1 week course you move on to the next school.
The next level is the final part of training. You start in an open field. You practice running in the middle of the field screaming, "I HAVE A BOMB!" Then you proceed to pretend to pull a strap. Only a few people pass this test...
Then they bring in the heavy machinery.
DA BOMB... get to da choppa!
The give you a bomb to strap yourself and a heavy coat. They drop you in a random place in the U.S. and then you go to work. If you happen to fail a suicide bomb I pray for you because you have to be the most suicidal person in the world.
If you would like to become a suicide bomber please call the number rite dur.
Yep. Rite Dur.
|This article is part of the |
ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
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