Squid (Birth Control Device)

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“"It's just like using a condom, except it has tentacles, it squirms, and it can bite your penis off!"”

~ A sex expert praising the Squid

Are you tired of conventional birth control? Are you bored of condoms, lubricants, pills and ointments?

Then perhaps you should try the Squid.

The Squid is an aquatic mollusk with many tentacles and a sharp beak. Squid are popular attractions at aquariums, but they also make for fantastic birth control!

Step one is to find a squid at your local bottomless deep-sea trench.

Once you've captured the squid, climb in to bed nude with your partner. Stretch the squid's mouth open as wide as it will go and slide it over your penis. The squid will proceed to wrap its powerful tentacles around your waste, thus firmly attaching itself to your pelvis. It's the ultimate sexual thrill! The squid's bodily slime acts as a natural lubricant. For added fun, try it with a 20 foot Giant Squid!

This article has been discontinued by the Illogicopedian Center for family values. The Center would like it known that Illogicopedia does not officially endorse the use of the squid as a condom substitute. Armadillos, on the other hand, are perfectly acceptable.