"Sexual Intercourse" You might be asking? "What on Earth is that?"
Well kids, when a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a man and two women, or a woman and a woman, or a woman and 12 men, or a woman with the genitalia of a man and a man, or a man and a rubber inflatable depiction of a woman like each other very much, they have a special cuddle, known as Sexual Intercourse. The man inserts his Penis into the woman's Vagina (or the man's Anus, or the inflatable dolls' Sexhole) and moves it in and out, slowly at first, then really fast and hard, then she screams very loudly and grabs at her boobs whilst staring at the camera.
When the man reaches climax, he ejaculates Cum, sometimes referred to as 'semen', into whichever orifice he is inside, or aiming at. He then promptly falls asleep or lights up. When a woman reaches climax, through stimulation of her Clitoris by the man's Penis or similar, she moans loudly and is then required to make Sandwiches and clean the bedsheets.
Now kids, I know what you're thinking. Mummy and Daddy would never do that, right? Wrong. They are probably doing it right now, and not with each other either. See, most adults enjoy Adultery, which is when a person Hooks up with people they are not married to for Sexual Intercourse. Indeed, I'd be willing to bet your mother is being Railed by the postman as we speak. Besides, why do you think your dad hired a busty blonde, half his age, to be his secretary? Food for thought...
Once a man has had Sexual Intercourse with a woman, she can sometimes become Knocked up. This means that a disgusting little baby begins to grow inside her, which she will then give birth to 9 months later, leaving her Vagina saggy and mangled. To prevent this, you can use Protection during sex. There are several forms of Protection, including a Condom, the Pill, and Bodyguards. Whilst a Condom is useful for baby blocking, it reduces sensitivity for the man and therefore should not really be used ever.
Germans are generally said to be the best at Sexual Intercourse, and have created extensive example material to show proper form and common Sexual Intercourse etiquette. These videos can be viewed at your local internet, or purchased from any good questionable video outlet.
In the future, scientists believe that we may be able to create super powerful Laser Sperm, capable of impregnating women and enemies from over a mile away when fired from a Sex Rifle. It might also become possible to have Anti-Gravity Sexual Intercourse, through the use of Anti-Gravity Sexpods.
Well kids, that should be all you need to know about Sexual Intercourse. Remember boys, always keep a pack of Cigarettes on you in case you get into an Unexpected Sexual Situation, and girls, remember that you cannot claim it is Rape if you enjoy it.
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