BONJOOK, The Banana God

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  BONJOOK, THE BANANA GOD
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BONJOOK is angry.

BONJOOK, The Banana God is the god of bananas. He demands that His name be capitalized. If you do not, you shall suffer his Power. He is not an Orange. He does not come from the Coconut. He has a squeaky voice with a Australian accent.
If you laugh at it, you will be Fed-Exed away.
BONJOOK has only one commandment: Rule 8 - If anything goes wrong, it is always Jr's fault! Also please do not swear in the name on BONJOOK 'Also its confusing that he has only one commandment and its rule 8'


History[edit]

BONJOOK was created when humanoids first discovered the banana was edible. So many were then eaten, that the souls of the deceased bananas collected into one peel, that it became BONJOOK.

The giant banana peel began then to unleash his wraith upon the humans, occasionally turning them into Bananaspawn, the most famous of which was the Bananaspawn General known as 'The evil one'.

The humans tried to fight back, to no avail. The mighty Bananagod destroyed every banana-eating human he could find (which was pretty much everyone except for a few people who thought they were squirrels), then began a thousand-year slumber.

Wraith[edit]

BONJOOK has often sacrificed bananas (obviously). It is known as his Wraith. If you do not capitalize Wraith it will happen to you. His Wraith is a cruel process that goes as follows:

  1. Roast the sacrifice in Banana Tar.
  2. Peel the skin off like a banana peel
  3. Salt the banana
  4. Place the banana in a giant pot
  5. Place exactly 37 Banana peels in a perfect circle around the banana.
  6. Then he eats the banana! OMONONOMOMO!!!

How to summon BONJOOK[edit]

Here is a step-by step guide on how to summon the mighty Bananagod.


  1. Collect Ingredients. You will need:
    1. One Flaming Banana Costume
    2. One Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom
    3. Several Bananas
  2. Once you have purchased all of the above ingredients, do not place them in the blender.

    Start by placing one banana, sliced, in a pan. Give the Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom and a bottle of red wine to the banana man while he cooks the banana, as illustrated to the left.
    A Master Bananagod Summoner teaching his students the art of The Summoning.
  3. Place the banana man into the Flaming Banana Costume, and have him/her preform the Great Dance around the flaming bananas, as illustrated to the right.
    Animation of the Great Dance







  4. Begin the Sacred chant: It's Peanut Butta Jelly Time!, repeat three times.
  5. If all went well, your banana man should become the portal for the mighty Bananagod.
  6. Now run . You just cut up and set fire to a banana, and thus have incurred the wraith of BONJOOK, The Banana God!
  7. oops maybe i shouldnt have done that

Powers[edit]

It is well known that Helicopters only fly due to BONJOOK's good will. The exception to this is the Bermuda Triangle where Shia LaBeouf performed an explicit act on a banana. The Wraith of BONJOOK hit him so hard that to this day any helicopter that flies there will invoke his Wraith and have its rotors turned to Jelly Babies and will fall into the sea where the pilots will be Fed-Exed away.

-The creator of this section later died to BONJOOK, due to him not capitilizing BONJOOK, rest peacefully banana traitor.

Nemesis[edit]

Bonjook is only afraid of one human and this man is Bob Ross. It was Bob who defeated Bonjook in the long ago Wars of the Mountain Dew Fields. Bonjook was fresh from the conquest of The Blue Rice Paddies and had with him an army of over 10,000 bananaminions and 28 Evil Robots. Only Bob Ross stood between Bonjook and FULL ENLIGHTENMENT. Bob had with him only his trusty paintbrush and a small brigade of Treedemons (but my, they were happy little Treedemons). It was a huge battle and many of Bob's Treedemons were killed and even more of Bonjook's bananaminions. But at last they faced each other on the battle field, surrounded by their dead and dying armies. It was then that Bob Ross uttered the Immortal Words “cheesecakes and biscuits” Bonjook howled with anguish and was forced to flee. Everyone cheered and lived happily ever after. Bonjook was forced into hiding but he has recently returned, following Bob's death in 1995 and is returning to his full powers as you read this.

Avoidence[edit]

If you want to not incur the Wraith of BONJOOK, you must eat as many bananas as possible. Even so, you must grow bananas everywhere. If you do everything right, you might live for another twenty years before accidentally eating something without banana matter in or on it.

See also[edit]

Gods
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André BretonBONJOOK, The Banana GodCheeriosCthulhuFlying Spaghetti MonsterGodGod 2.0G-dGoshGrim ReaperGrim SweeperJoccu-ThanMonkey GodMr BlobbyMr. Peepers, the Duck Hunt dogPrincess StargloQuetzalcoatlRococo BasiliskSpace SatanThe God of Fried Chicken DrippingsXenu

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