BONJOOK, The Banana God
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BONJOOK, The Banana God is the god of bananas. He demands that His name be capitalized. If you do not, you shall suffer his Power. He is not an Orange.
He does not come from the Coconut. He has a squeaky voice with a New Zealand accent.
If you laugh at it, you will be Fed-Exed away.
BONJOOK has only one commandment: Rule 8 - If anything goes wrong, it is always Jr's fault! 'Also its confusing that he has only one commandment and its rule 8'
The humans tried to fight back, to no avail. The mighty Bananagod destroyed every banana-eating human he could find (which was pretty much everyone except for a few people who thought they were squirrels), then began a thousand-year slumber.
BONJOOK has often sacrificed bananas (obviously). It is known as his Wraith. If you do not capitalize Wraith it will happen to you. His Wraith is a cruel process that goes as follows:
- Roast the sacrifice in Banana Tar.
- Peel the skin off like a banana peel
- Salt the banana
- Place the banana in a giant pot
- Place exactly 37 Banana peels in a perfect circle around the banana.
- Then he eats the banana! OMONONOMOMO!!!
How to summon BONJOOK
Here is a step-by step guide on how to summon the mighty Bananagod.
- Collect Ingredients. You will need:
- One Flaming Banana Costume
- One Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom
- Several Bananas
- Once you have purchased all of the above ingredients, do not place them in the blender.
Start by placing one banana, sliced, in a pan. Give the Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom and a bottle of red wine to the banana man while he cooks the banana, as illustrated to the left.
- Place the banana man into the Flaming Banana Costume, and have him/her preform the Great Dance around the flaming bananas, as illustrated to the right.
- Begin the Sacred chant: It's Peanut Butta Jelly Time!, repeat three times.
- If all went well, your banana man should become the portal for the mighty Bananagod.
- Now fucking run like hell you just cut up and set fire to a banana, and thus have incurred the wraith of BONJOOK, The Banana God!
- oops maybe i shouldnt have done that
It is well known that Helicopters only fly due to BONJOOK's good will. The exception to this is the Bermuda Triangle where Shia LaBeouf performed an explicit act on a banana. The Wraith of BONJOOK hit him so hard that to this day any helicopter that flies there will invoke his Wraith and have its rotors turned to Jelly Babies and will fall into the sea where the pilots will be Fed-Exed away.
-The creator of this section later died to BONJOOK, due to him not capitilizing BONJOOK, rest peacefully banana traitor.
Bonjook is only afraid of one human and this man is Bob Ross. It was Bob who defeated Bonjook in the long ago Wars of the Mountain Dew Fields. Bonjook was fresh from the conquest of The Blue Rice Paddies and had with him an army of over 10,000 bananaminions and 28 Evil Robots. Only Bob Ross stood between Bonjook and FULL ENLIGHTENMENT. Bob had with him only his trusty paintbrush and a small brigade of Treedemons (but my, they were happy little Treedemons). It was a huge battle and many of Bob's Treedemons were killed and even more of Bonjook's bananaminions. But at last they faced each other on the battle field, surrounded by their dead and dying armies. It was then that Bob Ross uttered the Immortal Words “cheesecakes and biscuits” Bonjook howled with anguish and was forced to flee. Everyone cheered and lived happily ever after. Bonjook was forced into hiding but he has recently returned, following Bob's death in 1995 and is returning to his full powers as you read this.
If you want to not incur the Wraith of BONJOOK, you must eat as many bananas as possible. Even so, you must grow bananas everywhere. If you do everything right, you might live for another twenty years before accidentally eating something without banana matter in or on it.
André Breton • BONJOOK, The Banana God • Cheerios • Cthulhu • Flying Spaghetti Monster • God • God 2.0 • G-d • Gosh • Grim Reaper • Grim Sweeper • Joccu-Than • Mega PP god • Monkey God • Mr Blobby • Mr. Peepers, the Duck Hunt dog • Princess Starglo • Quetzalcoatl • Rococo Basilisk • Space Satan • The God of Fried Chicken Drippings • Walter • Xenu