BONJOOK, The Banana God
|Open For Collaboration|
BONJOOK, The Banana God is the god of bananas. He demands that is ALWAYS uppercase. If you do not, you shall suffer his Power. He is not an apple.
He does not come from the heavens. He has a voice of angel with an accent of god.
If you laugh at it, you will be [ sent to banana heavan a horrible place ]].
bonjook has only one commandment: Rule 8 - If anything goes wrong, [[it is always Bob rosses fault!|it is always bobs fault'
[fortunately, many collaborators died while editing this article due to under capitalization of the lord BONJOOKS's name]
History[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK was created when humanoids first discovered the banana was edible￼. So many were then eaten, that the souls of the deceased bananas collected into one peel, that it became BONJOOK.
The giant banana peel began then to unleash his wraith upon the humans, occasionally turning them into Banana spawn, the most famous of which was the Banana spawn General known as 'The evil one'.
The humans tried to fight back, to no avail. The mighty Banana god destroyed every banana-eating human he could find (which was pretty much everyone except for a few people who thought they were squirrels), then began a thousand-year slumber.
Wraith[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK has often sacrificed bananas (obviously). It is known as his wraith. If you do not capitalize wraith it will happen to you. His wraith is a cruel process that goes as follows:
- Roast the sacrifice in Banana Tar.
- Peel the skin off like a banana peel
- Salt the banana
- Place the banana in a giant pot with Megan Rain
- Place exactly 37 Banana peels in a perfect circle around the banana.
- Then he eats the banana! OMONONOMOMO!!!
How to summon BONJOOK[edit | edit source]
Here is a step-by step guide on how to summon the mighty Bananagod.
- Collect Ingredients. You will need:
- One Flaming Banana Costume
- One Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom
- Several Bananas
- Once you have purchased all of the above ingredients, do not place them in the blender.
Start by placing one banana, sliced, in a pan. Give the Almighty Tube Hat Of Doom and a bottle of red wine to the banana man while he cooks the banana, as illustrated to the left.
- Place the banana man into the Flaming Banana Costume and have him/her preform the Great Dance around the flaming bananas, as illustrated to the right.
- Begin the Sacred chant: It's Peanut Butta Jelly Time! repeat three times.
- If all went well, your banana man should become the portal for the mighty Banana god.
- Now run like heck you just cut up and set fire to a banana, and thus have incurred the Wrath of BONJOOK, The Banana God!
- oops maybe I shouldn't have done that.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK is a banana and, as such, is not a carrot. HE IS THE MAN! His potassium runs through his veins with MIGHT!
Powers[edit | edit source]
It is well known that Helicopters only fly due to BONJOOK's good will. The exception to this is the Bermuda Triangle where Shia LaBeouf performed an explicit act on a banana. The Wraith of BONJOOK hit him so hard that to this day any helicopter that flies there will invoke his Wraith and have its rotors turned to Jelly Babies and will fall into the sea where the pilots will be Fed-Exe'd ashen be destroyed within a 100-mile radius. This part is unknown though to most humans because the awesome power he gains every Sunday helps But, all the bathrooms will stay the same, it is not known why though.
the creator of this section later died to BONJOOK, due to him not lowercasing bonjook, rest in eternal pain banana traitor.
Gifts[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK has the power to grant gifts to those who worship him. These gifts are normally given to the Monkes.
The Monk Monkes are the preists of BONJOOK. They are in charge of sacrificing to bonjook, accepting gifts from BONJOOK, and teaching other Monkes and Humans the way of the BONJOOK.
Nemesis[edit | edit source]
bob ross is way better than him. bonjook died
Death[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK valiantly gave up the last of his eternal life during his demise in The Wreck. Legend says that this eternal life was divided up equally between each and every member of the Fluffle, thus they never age.
Avoidence[edit | edit source]
BONJOOK no longer needs to be avoided, since he has sadly passed away. However, if you venture into the past and want to ensure you do not incur the Wraith of BONJOOK, you must eat as many bananas as possible. Even so, you must grow bananas everywhere. If you do everything right, you might live for another twenty years before accidentally eating something without banana matter in or on it.
See also[edit | edit source]
André Breton • BONJOOK, The Banana God • Cheerios • Cthulhu • Flying Spaghetti Monster • God • God 2.0 • G-d • Gosh • Grim Reaper • Grim Sweeper • Joccu-Than • Mega PP god • Monkey God • Mr Blobby • Mr. Peepers, the Duck Hunt dog • Princess Starglo • Quetzalcoatl • Rococo Basilisk • Space Satan • The God of Fried Chicken Drippings • Walter • Xenu