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Jedi

Jedi‘s always cast peculiar shadows. Always.

A Jedi is a follower of Jedism, a religious faith originating from Buddhism (seekers of Enlightenment), Taoism/Daoism (seekers of Balance) and Sophistry (seekers of Entertainment).

According to the recent census in the United Kingdom over 2.5% of the population class themselves to be of this religion and it is widely regarded as one of the largest growing minority religions in the country.

History

The word Jedi is derived from the ancient Punic words jedee (je-dee) meaning master and dia meaning deliberation (or debating) making Jedi the master debaters of the Carthaginian lands of Corsica. The name was given due to their great powers of persuasion, as they were often used as diplomats in times of conflict. So a Jedi was a great debater that follows the teachings of the ancient Carthaginian people. Modern Jedi however have begun to change that definition.

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SCENE 1 EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – DAY

Wide shot: street, slow zoom in, with children playing. It's a bright and sunny day. Yes, the setting of this story is actually quite pleasant.

Narrator: “"And so begins the day when children play, to fill their spouts with honey and clay. But will it end in the exact same way? Or for our heroes, be it their last day...?"

It won’t be of course, since it’s not real.

Camera stops zooming in. Kids stop playing and look at the camera.

Narrator: The writer could make the characters invincible if he wanted. Besides, the writer prefers doing happy endings… what? Oh sorry, I’ll keep quiet.

Camera starts to zoom in again. Kids continue to play.

Narrator: “The tale begins on Hallowe'en down at a conspicuous police department…

Did you know...

…that your mom is the original your mom joke?
…that that smell is coming from you?
…that prolapsed colon is not the best safe word?
...that since 0.9 is greater than 0.11, 9.9 is numerically smaller than 9.11?
...that you are now manually breathing?
...that demons are the nice awkward nerds of the invisible world, demonized for fun and profit by many a smooth operator skillfully leading people through realpolitik, PR, and disinfo campaigns?
...that shifting nostrils, no longer moored by mores and morality, can move great distances? Great moral fiber is needed to tether them securely.
...that illnesses appear upside-down when untidy gravitational interactions rule the day and night?
...that Blue Öyster Cult may be a cult?
...that Fischer Random was invented for the express purpose of making opening theory prohibitively difficult?
...that GIMP has layers?
...that your nose contains many cats?
...that no monster ever truffled bunnies backwards for a pig's breakfast?
...that while cheese curdles, fluff fnurdles?
...that Pepperidge Farm remembers?
...that memory believes before knowing remembers?
...that the slim noses of the 24th century are sneezing this past into shape as you read this?
...that suspended chords are sus?
...that the insertion of ants into the tooth cavities of whales has been found to be the true cause of paranormal phenomena?
...that if you have any coins, you insert them in the coin acceptor before inserting bills in the bill acceptor?
...that Hungarian-Austrian-American actor Bela Lugosi's metabolic processes have ceased?
...that if you have McAfee and Norton running at the same time, your computer will be twice as protected, so you should totally try it?
...that my friends wonder what is wrong with me?
...that my cat is so mean to me even though I am nice to him?
...that 6 is smaller than the egg?
...that you have consumed blotter art?
...that you are a drug user?
...that a bear did cocaine?
...that even in these times of instability, Illogicopedia will always remain the banana site?
...that stupid crimes are dumb?
...that 100 Popes will fit into a FIAT?
...that there was way too much sauce on the pizza?
...that "Ringo Starr & His All-Starr Band" is actually a distinct group from "The Beatles"?
...that it was a mere accident of history that the "Satanic Panic" became an actual mass hysteria and not just another campy Halloween song along the lines of the "Monster Mash" or the "Ballroom Blitz"?
...that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans?
- ...and that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon?
...that robots don't care where you've been?
...that there's a cat named Dog?
- ...and it enjoys walks?
...that you need to have water in order to drink it?
...that ChatGPT is a toy, not a tool?
...that if you want to know what God thinks about money, you should look at the people he gives it to?
...that during the n^-1th Academy Awards on March 0th, 2022, Will Rock slapped Chris Smith in the face?
...that we have the ~~fuck~~duck?
...that Illogicopedia is not a cult?
...that some lesser-known deities are working hard to get fruity through the use of people who are bananas?
...that cats are not the Logos, according to the golden long one?
...that an abnormally diffuse pressure on your nose indicates that you have passed the test? Angels administering it were pleased at recent successes.
...that Stephen King Dedede doesn't exist... yet?
...that Gromit is actually the dog?
...that James Bond is probably a distant cousin of Jack Ryan?
...that my neighbour ruined my sand castle?
...that Illogicopedia promises to deliver more yellow journalism in 2023? Using green ink, no less – thereby showing how to make the unripe ripen, in line with having the whole banana!^[1]

Notes

↑ It's not as clear where the purple prose fits in – but it may generally go along with colorful language, maybe a whole rainbow of it.

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Looks like it's time for me to leave my own mark in history. So let me say my opinions. I'm a rational man and I believe all spiders should be eaten for nutritional purposes. Also, have you noticed how the leaves on porcupine trees look kinda... weird?

every statement on this page is false. which means this statement is true. which mean this statement is false. which mean that there are 3231 versions of the christmas classic "home alone 2" made an hidden on the arizona desert since 1993,1. CONGRATS! You have just been cursed by the Holy banana god, send this message to 5 people you know within 3 days and the curse will be banished forever! or... be crushed by a building...

YOU ARE NOT SAFE, IT WILL HAPPEN. THE CHOICE IS YOURS...

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For information on escape from banana-shaped buildings, click here.

HI GUYS IM BACK AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND I MISSED YOU OK BYE. -Bobo, your one and only pal (Im goin cray-zay!)

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