Bahá'í Faith

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Holy days of the Bahá'í Faith are celebrated with great vigor and piety. Note the group of converts in the background, waiting to be Frap-tised.

The Bahá'í Faith is a religion formed by pre-Pastafarian dissidents in Iran during the 1860's. The central figure and founder of the religion, Eniod MacTavish, was born to wealthy Persian parents in 1833 during a lunar eclipse. Signs and portent appeared in the sky, including a shopping list from the future. At three days old, Eniod learned German and translated the collected works of Friedrich Nietzsche into Sanskrit. He invented Persian MILF calculus at age 3, and applied it to problems with bridge building and nanotechnology, thereby being eligible for a Pre-Nobel Prize.

He grew up a poor black child in a margarine-free household, attended the finest universities in Prague, and at age 21, legally declared his mission to the world; to spread the use of the binary abacus in business and science. His biggest obstacle was overcoming the inertia of the scientific community at that time. The accepted Base 10 system was deeply embedded in tradition, and there was no moving the old fogeys from it.

The Bat Shit Period[edit]

Eniod developed a devoted following of werewolves, mostly of Finnish descent, when he and his half-brother Yo Yo Mo collaborated on writing a holy book upon which to base their newfound belief in smoking weed as a path to enlightenment. Soon the habit of eating mayonnaise barechested out of a coffee cup became the rage from Tehran to Baghdad. and those in power saw a need to clamp down. Under the guise of morality police, werewolf hunters prowled the streets and back alleys of many middle eastern cities in an attempt to seize any and all mayonnaise, in the name of Allah.

Initiation[edit]

Although all schisms of the faith argue over the proper spelling, noobs are welcomed into the fold by having milk shakes thrown at them. Called a Fraptism, as spelled in Miriam-Webster's, participants are gathered over the course of a 19 day month to surprise the initiate. Barrels of ranch dressing liquor are laid out in sets of 19, werewolves gather each to a barrel and they begin to swill precisely at 7:12pm GMT.

See Also[edit]

BALEEFS OF THE WURLD
What is teh god? DeismPantheismTheism
How Menny? Jeez, I dunno!NONEonelotsa-1√-1
Religgens Bahá'í FaithBobismBuddhismChristianity (AnglicanCatholicMormonProtestant)DidYouKnowismDiscordianismDuncanismFlaniganismGimaladinesGoatianGobshiismGreasyHinduismIslamJainismJedismJehovah's WitnessesJudaismPandaismPanflautismPanflotsamPanfriedismPanpolynomialismPastafarianismRandomlygeneratedismSchismismScientologyShintoSikhismSithismSuper GnosticismThingyismTzarthelikalamanagurishalikidaladunakalizaralethismZeroastrianismZimizmizm
Pillowproxies ConfusionismTaoism
Pollygicians CommunismConservativeFascismLiberal
Evilootian? CreationismUnintelligent Design