Pandaism

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Pandaist propaganda portrays Pandas as passive, peaceful and cute. The truth is otherwise.

The worship of Panda bears is rightly called Pandaism. Coincidentally, the word Pandaism is completely unpronounceable by native Chinese speakers. Calvary horsemen and brigands are drawn to this strange faith, which demands total obedience to that little voice in your head... no, not that one... the one that's sort of high pitched and nasal...

Pundits like pandas because of potential onomatopoetic value. High holidays are holidays when Pandaist actually get high. These include St. Krapneechich Day, Bamboo Thursday, Freaky Friday and Decacost [1]

Beefy Resistance[edit]

We who know the truth adhere to the Three Burgers Theory of extraterrestrial seeding and origination of Pandas. We have beefy resistance to their Oriental ways, their wiles and wool-covered willies. And I'm not talking about the Jeep either.

References[edit]

  1. Double the price of Pentecost, half the value. See individual store managers for adherence to polity 2323pCA-6.

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