From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This article was
too bizarre for Uncyclopedia,
  but Illogicopedia loves random stuff
 Uncyclopedia.png Wiki.png 

For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on Shinto.

Shinto is the native religion of Japan. It has since expanded to included all of the Sol system, except the sink hole of Belgium. Shinto has no official founder since no one has yet been able to pronounce his/her/its name or even a vague estimate of when it was founded due to Japan's number system being hexadecimal, which allows for its computer dominance. Shinto is an passively-aggressively gospel religion known for the popular method of guilting the infidel into acceptance. It was the fastest growing religion in the world until Scientology took over in 1984.

Religious Growth[edit | edit source]

Shinto began growth from the earliest stages of the universe. It was believed to have been formed by the great warlord and cosplay enthusiast Mr Mxyzptlk from plastic sewn into a vertical stripe design and blown into a ball. Much like the similar beachball it began expanding and was tossed around by topless girls on a beach, a tradition that continues to the present, inducing one of its basic tenements of free pornography. Shinto has been continually tossed by the great bodies of all time as its founding dictates including from Betty Grable and Brittany Spears to Pamela Anderson and Albert Einstein. Shinto was spread throughout the land by Ashoka, also known for his Ashoka's Pillars. Ashoka is as a result worshipped as a god amoung the masses. Shinto grew mainly unoppossed, spread by the Emperor Gymmoo across the island chain, until the Seventeenth century when Christian killjoys landed on Japan's shores, raped the woman and made sexual acts illegal. The Shinto purists immediatally drove the missionaires out, and entered into 200 years of isolation. During this time, Shinto experienced a revival. This was interrupted by Commodore Petty, who with his armed ship, the USS Converter, sailed into Nagasaki and demanded trade. Sadly the Japanese worship was no match for a warship, and Japan opened its ports. Japan then noticed that it had missed much progress over its isolation, and used Shinto beliefs as a stepping ground for its economy, known as the Meaty Revolution. Japan quickly becoming the largest exporter of pornography in the world, helped by a natural religious inclination. This great religion has secured Japan's place in the economic world.

Shinto Ethics[edit | edit source]

Shinto does not have the same concept of good and evil as the religions of the Baka na Gaijin. Whereas the western religions hold that good is what makes me happy and bad is what doesn't, Shinto ethics teach that good is what makes the community happy and bad is what doesn't, which usually involves large ropes. Shinto is also unique in that it lacks a prohibition against lolicon tentacle hentai or any type of pornography, a key aspect of the religion that has lead to Shinto becoming the largest religion in the world.

Kami[edit | edit source]

Kami are the Heavenly Congress of Japanese mythology, whose exploits are recorded in the award winning toilet paper, Nihongi. Despite 3,000 years of research, no one knows why eight million kami are needed.

  • Izanagi - the mystical kami who founded the Japanese kitchen islands by constanstly planting seeds in the rice patty with his wife (and sister) Izanami.
  • Izanami - was the rice patty. Is currently a potato crisp rocking it up with Hades in hell (after Persephone left).
  • Amaterasu - like the sun, she is hot. She She is also the biological daughter of one of Izanagi's eye.
  • Susanoo (pronounced Su-san-oh, not Susan-oooh) - the Kami in charge of the weather. He is impulsive and careless, which is reflected in hurricanes, tornadoes, Katrina and unexpected sunday picnic downpours.
  • Tsukiyomi - the transgendered kami of the moon
  • Ame-no-Uzume - is the drunk goddess of the early morning who strips on washtubs, thus she is the overlord of all the male and lesbian kami. She is currently the Kami Overlord.
  • Kagu-Tushy - one of Izanami's many rice stalks. He caused the death of his mother by burning her to bits at his birth.
  • Inari - Kami of rice, sake and good foxes. Sie is often seen as a young woman, old man or white anthropomorphic vixen. Sie is a mean drunk.
  • Osamu Tezuka - also known as Manga-no-kami, the God of Manga. As befitting the god of manga, he is a pedophile.
  • Ichigo Kurosaki - chief of the Shinigami. Ichigo-sama is a prime example of a human becoming a Kami. Often portrayed in black robes carrying a humongous sword, occasionaly portrayed wearing a high-school uniform or stylish casual wear .He is currently working as a model for Tite Kubo, the blessed one.
  • Karu Mareksu - was one of the first and most influential participants in the Meaty Revolution. His heretical great work, Dasu Kapataru, turned the religion into a branched and fragmented cult.
  • Ber-Rah Rah - The lowest of the Kami. Ber-Rah Rah is known for its lack of achievement in contribution to anything the world has experienced. It is the guardian of self-obsessed children and is most well known for holding the record for the deepest hole which maintains life.
  • Ezreal - The Goddess of J-Pop. A hermaphrodite kami known for his/her gay attempts at dance while attempting to "break it down".
  • Shen - The OP-no-Kami. Shen was originally banned from the ranks of the upper kami who were jealous of his ohpenis. As it had quite a large scale of size he sometimes could not fit into shrines. As a result, a large hole was cut into the shrine to allow his ohpenis to protrude. Many Japanese women now go to touch and admire Shen's protrusion.
  • There are also numerious minor Kami, who inhabit nature and town shrines (the other 7,999,985 kami). These include many tree spirits who inhabit especially old trees, and the Shinigami who guide the souls of the dead and rape them.
What is teh god? DeismPantheismTheism
How Menny? Jeez, I dunno!NONEonelotsa-1√-1
Religgens Bahá'í FaithBobismBuddhismChristianity (AnglicanCatholicMormonProtestant)DidYouKnowismDiscordianismDuncanismFlaniganismGimaladinesGoatianGobshiismGreasyHinduismIslamJainismJedismJehovah's WitnessesJudaismPandaismPanflautismPanflotsamPanfriedismPanpolynomialismPastafarianismRandomlygeneratedismSchismismScientologyShintoSikhismSithismSuper GnosticismTzarthelikalamanagurishalikidaladunakalizaralethismZeroastrianismZimizmizm
Pillowproxies ConfusionismTaoism
Pollygicians CommunismConservativeFascismLiberal
Evilootian? CreationismUnintelligent Design