Pantheism (proper)

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Panflautism, or Panflotsam? How about Pandaism, or Panfriedism? Or possibly even Pantherism?
Modern pantheists worship in kitchens using a sinko de mayo in the same way Christians use an altar.

Pantheism is a word derived from Greek Θεός (Theos, God) and the English "Pan" (pan, pan). It was first coined by Spinoza  [Check.gifCertified Accurate!] during a lunch break, and is used to describe the worship of frying pans as gods. As such, pantheists tend to be obsessed with food, eating, cooking, grocery shopping and anything remotely related to food preparation.

Dinosaurs were known to be pantheists before the Great Awakening of 1883 [Check.gifCertified Accurate!]. This was before hops were used in making beer. The Egyptians were the first known to sell beer in six packs. They tried odd numbered packs, but early on, using the same mathematics that designed the pyramids, the great architect Smoked a Pencil realized that there is a balance problem when carrying them home from market.

One-time cashew and interrogation enthusiast Dick "Dick" Cheney is the Grand Wazoo of the World Pantheist Communion, a group of pan-praisers that specifically requires members to have at least one, but not more than 11 lesbian daughters [Check.gifCertified Accurate!].

This poor young man has no idea he's being exploited.

Scoffers, all of you! I know you're scoffing right now. I know your type, with your filthy alpacas, and your sick hospital smells. Always filling the place with negativity, poking fun through your metaphorical beards. You're all miserable, that's why you scoff. It's like an obsession and a compulsion both, can't stop thinking about the next thing to scoff at, needing to scoff to live, live to scoff. Well, some of us are getting tired of it. Where's the fire?

The truth behind alien abductions

Take this poor young man, weighed down by a chicken and having to wear a paper eye patch. Those of us with a shred of decency, a drop of the milk of human kindness running through our veins, might pause to pity him. To empathize with his situation is a healthy response, as I am sure Carl Jung would agree. You scoffers, though. You scoff, you make up silly stories about his lot in life. What led him to this place, where he has a chicken directing him and has to run advertising over his bad eye just to make ends meat[Check.gifCertified Accurate!]

Drowning in debt, you scoffers scoff. From the pulpits on Sundays, running through football, you scoffers scoff.

In fact, alien abductions are not what they have been assumed by members of the space alien hobbyist community. As far as the United States is concerned, the aliens are Mexicans  [Check.gifCertified Accurate!], and they run covert operations abducting key Americans from the Southwest and, for some reason, Rhode Island.

See Also[edit]

BALEEFS OF THE WURLD
What is teh god? DeismPantheismTheism
How Menny? Jeez, I dunno!NONEonelotsa-1√-1
Religgens Bahá'í FaithBobismBuddhismChristianity (AnglicanCatholicMormonProtestant)DidYouKnowismDiscordianismDuncanismFlaniganismGimaladinesGoatianGobshiismGreasyHinduismIslamJainismJedismJehovah's WitnessesJudaismPandaismPanflautismPanflotsamPanfriedismPanpolynomialismPastafarianismRandomlygeneratedismSchismismScientologyShintoSikhismSithismSuper GnosticismThingyismTzarthelikalamanagurishalikidaladunakalizaralethismZeroastrianismZimizmizm
Pillowproxies ConfusionismTaoism
Pollygicians CommunismConservativeFascismLiberal
Evilootian? CreationismUnintelligent Design