Netherlands

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  Warning: this article contains humour written by Dutchmen.  

G E K O L O N I S E E R D

~ Dutch on empire

“How gezellig, an article about The Netherlands.”

“Dutch people suck ass.”

“That's not gezellig!”

The Netherlands is inhabited by the Dutch. The Dutch are vile people who slaugtered the original Netherlandish inhabitants. Sie müssen ausradiert werden!. Peppie is our lead0r! Kokkie can suck on a.... well... ehm... y'no...

Also they have salty liquorice, which is disgusting.

History[edit]

Back in -1000000BC, God stubbed his toe on Pangea, making it split apart. When it split apart, Europe and America split apart. Because America didn't want to go, it clung onto the Netherlands. The Dutch soil, however, couldn't cope with America's fingernails, as it was too preoccupied with growing tulips, so America's fingers slipped off. The downside was that it made several tears where Amsterdam is, creating the legendary dykes and stuff. When humans got in on this whole existence stuff, the Dutch people have had several major historical happenings.

Religion[edit]

I’m not really up on all this religion stuff, but I had come across this passage before:

  1. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
  2. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
  3. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.
  4. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.
  5. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.
  6. Then God said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.”
  7. Thus God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so.
  8. And God called the firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.
  9. Then God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so.
  10. And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

Notice that at no point are the Dutch mentioned in the above passage, and yet they see fit to undo what God has done, elevating themselves, in their own arrogant and self-important way, into godhead figures. Thus, the entire race are a blasphemy unto nature and God, and their entire country is damned (both literally and figuratively). This, I think, is ample justification for a holy war, a crusade if you like, to wipe their evil presence from the face of the Earth. Amen.[1]

War[edit]

The Dutch are no good whatsoever in conducting war, not to say they are complete pussies, don't mind asking what the Netheriginals were. The Dutch, in the Middle Ages, were occupied by the Spanish -read: Spanish Inquisition- and they needed the help of the Belgians. Later, the United Provinces(Belgium and the Netherlands) were demolished, by Belgians. And during the small historical fact they called World War II, they just surrendered. Instead, their windmills do the fighting for them. In the year 1009, the French saw their tulips are were like "OHOOO ZERE IZ SUM GUUD CHOCOLAT BREKFAAST" so they tried to invade but before their little legs could touch the Dutch border, the windmills came to the rescue and did not let the French through, instead whapping their faces with the spinny things that are on the windmill. It went on like *WHAP* *WHAP* *WHAP* until 6.5 years later the French decided "Eh, whatever" and went off back to torturing frogs and snails for information.

Notes[edit]

See also[edit]