Nokia

Nokia...

Nokia is a market communist state governing the southeast of a milk carton by the same name. It is delicious. Actually not really, considering the milk has been sitting there since the dawn of mankind. Therefore, Nokia is pretty sour and the Nokia inside it suffers severely from it. Nokia is a button country, which makes it an enemy of the evil touchscreen countries in the lands beyond. iPhone, for example, resides in the neighbor's dog's food bowl. It isn't delicious either, because it is nothing but glass and metal whipped into shape by the almighty lord Bliefelblorph. Jenkins told me so, after I got to ride on his gun turret. It hurt.

Nokia had long since realized that capitalist democracies are nothing but oligarchic apartheid states, where social darwinism decides those worthy of salvation. They have fabricated a religion known as Crossism, in which they worship a an instrument of salvation through torture and death. The people of capitalist democracies are so selfless they murder and torture each other. I shudder to think what it would bbe like in a market communist state. THERE WOULD BE COMMUNISM! And communism is evil! COMMMMMMMMMMMMUNISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSM! Communism! Communism. And Russias. Many, many Russias.

Wait, wasn't it teh Soviet Onion?

No. Shut up!

Nokia operates on the principle 'defense first' to protect it from the bloodthirsty immigrant children who attempt to smash it into smithereens. So far none have succeeded. The phone lines are Nokia's national borders.

Song (in Russian)

Веасел, веасел,
Нокиа, нокиа
Нокиа мобиле пхонес
Мобиле пхонес
фор Цоммунисц,
Мобиле пхонес
фор труе Цоммуниц
Нокиа, нокиа, нокиа
Ох! Ох!

Труе Цоммунисц,
усе Нокиа пхонес,
Нокиа пхонес,
фор труе Цоммунисц,
но фасцисц
усе Нокиа пхонес,
Нокиа пхонес,
Веасел, веасел, веасел, веасел

For those not well versed in the Cyrillic alphabet, it says:

Weasel, weasel,
Nokia, Nokia,
Nokia mobile phones
Mobile phones
for Communists,
Mobile phones,
for true Communists,
Nokia, Nokia, Nokia
Oh oh!

True Communists,
use Nokia phones,
Nokia phones,
for true Communists,
no Fascists,
use Nokia phones,
Nokia phones,
Weasel, weasel, weasel, weasel

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