Twixt

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WARNING: this section may contain spoilers.
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Twixt is a rambling, borderline incoherent movie written and directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

Plot[edit]

So Val Kilmer plays some awful Stephen King wannabe named Hall Baltimore who is currently traveling from hick town to hick town while trying to peddle his latest work of doggel. While in the town of Swan Valley he meets the local sheriff Bobby LaGrange. LaGrange is something of an amateur writer himself and wants to collaborate with him on a horror novel based on a series of strange murders that have occurred in the town. However, Baltimore isn’t too keen on the idea and turns him down.

While sleeping at a local motel, Baltimore has a nightmare in which he meets some goofy goth girl named V. He then visit a strange hotel where the landlady informs him that a bunch of children were murder there and buried under the floorboards. Eventually he stumbled out into the woods, gets lost, and bumps into famed poet and cousin lover Edgar Allan Poe before waking up.

Intrigued by the nightmare, Baltimore agrees to help LaGrange write his novel. While doing research Baltimore learns that many years ago a local religious nutjob named Allan Floyd murdered a bunch of children because he feared that they were being seduced by a group of vampires.

The rest of the movie is literally just Baltimore sleeping, having dreams, and trying to finish the novel. Eventually he discovers that the killer is actually LaGrange himself, who is killing people for pretty much the same reason Pastor Floyd killed all those children. When he goes to confront LaGrange at the police station, he discovers that LaGrange had been killed by V. who turns out to be a vampire or a zombie or a ghost or something. V. attacks Baltimore, biting into his neck, presumably killing him.

The film then shifts inexplicably to Baltimore in his editor’s office, turning in his new novel. His editor seems pleased and Baltimore looks proud and happy for the first time in a long time.

Characters[edit]

  • Hall Baltimore:Drunk, bloated, and prone to hallucinations, Hall is a washed-up hack horror writer just trying to get by.
  • Sheriff Bobby LaGrange:A mentally unstable police sheriff with a closet full of skeletons, LaGrance is probably the last person you would want watching over your safety. Oh, and he makes birdhouses.
  • V.:A ghostly pale ghost girl, V. often visits Baltimore in his dreams and tries to help him solve the mystery of who the murderer is.
  • Poe:Poe pops up in a few scenes, mostly to give Baltimore advice on how to suck less as a writer.
  • Pastor Allan Floyd:A deranged religious fanatic, Floyd runs an orphanage for wayward children. Too bad he is also a child molester and a serial killer.
  • Flamingo:The leader of a group of teenage goth kids who mostly just act weird and quote esoteric poetry. Flamingo is in the movie for only like two scenes and he adds nothing of value to the plot.

Critical reaction[edit]

Everyone hated it. No, seriously, everyone hated it. It got almost no positive reviews.