Astronomy Wars: The Umpire Strikes Out

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The movie poster. It looks eerily similar to something...

What do you think I am? Some sort of brick? Oh, hello there! Didn't see you. Anyway, back to the show.

Scene: Planet. Ice. Cold.

Two men walk up to each other. Something hits the ground.

Man 1: It is quite cold, wouldn't you say?

Man 2: Say, where is my toe?

Man 1: Blasted, Puke! You lost your toe again? This time I'm telling the princess!

Puke: No! Not princess Laidup! Anything but that! Pleeeaaassseee Ham Salad!

Ham Salad: OK, you go check out that thing that hit the ground. I'm going back to Hollow Base.

Puke: It's a deal!

Ham walks away... Puke goes to thing in Ground. Big Yeti thing shows up.

Yeti thing: Rawr.

Puke: Ahhh!

Yeti thing: Dearest me... would you like some tea? How about I have you for dinner?

Puke: Delightful!

Yeti makes tea. Rips off pukes arm and eats it for dinner. Sticks a rubber one on. Attaches him to roof

Puke: Use the Horse!

Gets thing. Turns it on BLUE LIGHT! Kills yeti and passes out in snow. Glowing old man appears

Glowing old man: Puke! Have you seen my wlking stick anywhere?

Puke: Ugh. I think I'm going to pass out.

Glowing old man: Well damn. Er, maybe it's on that bubbly place with that green guy. Would you mind checking there?

Puke: Only if you give me a b***-***--

Puke falls asleep. Or something. Man 1 returns on thing. Bad effects

Man 1: Puke!

Puke: .... (He's dead, Jim!)

Giant metal thing walks up. Gun shoots laser beams. Flying stuff. Birds? Maybe. Metal birds.


Dak: Ouch, my ear. Puke, slow dow--

Flying thing crashes. Dak is dead, Puke jumps out and makes a rainbow. Metal thing a-splodes. Dog and Man 1 and gold robot and trash can robot and laidup are running

Ham Salad: Uh-oh spaghettios! This way is blocked. We have to go through the Nuteral zone!


Laidup: Ham, your a hunky playboy. Let's have sex.

Ham Salad: Later, hotty! Dog, start up the engines!

Dog: Ok, Ham Salad. Wait, I don't speak English! What I meant to say is Roar!

The peeps fly away. Puke is in swamp with trash can.'

Trash can: Beep Doot Beep

Puke: Shut up, P5. I have to find a giant booger.

Green thing comes out, Carrying stick.

Yogurt: Found me you have. Yogurt my name is.

Puke: Are you thick and creamy? My insides feel as though they are going to burst...

Yogurt: Follow me, you shall. To my mud hut we go. Party time it is!

Puke: Woo hoo! I brought the beer!

Yogurt: Fun we will have... Ah, screw this talking backwards crap! LET"S GET DRUNK!

Puke: Ok! Ugh, my head hurts! Looks like Ham is getting killed, well, fuck him! Get me the powder!

Booger: Puke, don't leave! We were about to make love

Puke: I know, I don't want to, but I kinda have to follow the script.

Yogurt: Darn, I thought I would finally lose my viginity after 900 years! Sad I am!

Puke leaves and goes to cloudy thingy.

Puke: U1! Shut up! Im trying to listen to the radio!

Ham Salad and Dog And Laidup are in clouds. Black guy greats them. HaM gets turned into rock.

Puke: OMG It's Dart Wader!

They turn on light things

Dart Wader: I am your father.


Hand Gets chopped off. Puke falls down pipe, gets saved by laidup and black guy. The End'

To be continued...