Attack of the 50 Foot Pastor
“YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR TITHE!”
“HOW DARE YOU SAY I PREACH TOO LONG!”
“Oh my God!”
Attack of the 50 Foot Pastor is a B-movie made in 1732 by Abraham Lincoln. The project cost exactly $11,173 to film (millions of which were used for special effects).
The Story[edit | edit source]
Jack Fredrickson, Fundamentalist preacher, is losing the membership of Bible Baptist Church to the nearby Charismatic churches in his Nevada hometown. The combination of this (and the fact that his greedy members almost never tithe) forces the church to close. This makes Jack very mad. While looking for a job, Aliens held in the nearby Area 51 base escape and attack the nearby towns.
Reverend Jack is hit with a strange beam that makes him 50 feet tall and totally insane. He goes after every single home of his former members and kills them all, uttering memorable quotes like those above. After the last house is destroyed, the army recovers from the Area 51 escape and sends out air forces to bring the city under control. The 50 foot tall Pastor is killed and turned into soap.
Moral of the story: Stand in the faith and pay your tithe or
be killed by alien intervention BE HEEEEALED!!! (Pops you on the head)
Reviews[edit | edit source]
Film critic Roger Ebert thought this movie sucked. However, he is too sane to make valid decisions. Illogicopedia, a much more reliable resource due to it making no sense whatsoever (and containing logical fallacies like the Ad Hominem in the previous sentence), gave this movie 5 out of 5 bananas.
Therefore, it is definitely worth watching.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Groups from all walks of life were offended by the movie: Fundamentalists for being portrayed as insane people, Charismatics for being portrayed as false teachers, Atheists because the one in the movie said "Oh my God!", and the entire armed forces for being portrayed as incompetent eeble sonks.
Well, phooey on them. LET US HAVE SANDWICHES AND GOOD TIMES.
See also[edit | edit source]