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Pantheism is the belief that, if God could be a Panther, God could just as easily be anything else in existence. Pantheists tend to believe that Panthers are the stupidest things in the universe, and have therefore earned the contempt of every beer-drinking blowhard in the Carolinas.

Pantheists tend to be notoriously pansexual, with a preference phor phrying pans. Phun!

There are two types of pantheism Non-stick pantheism And the other is....

The United Church of Pantheism[edit | edit source]

Pantheists have the high honor of being the only religion whose churches, construction workers who built the churches, and objects within the churches possess a piece of God. Take that, Wicca!

The United Church of Pantheism is PanTernational, with over 60 cathedrals in 47 countries on every continent except Antarctica and R'lyeh.

Controversy[edit | edit source]

United Pantheism has been suspected of importing Weapons of Mass Destruction from several Black Panther weapons outlets, an act highly illegal in most states. These alleged actions are refuted by both the church and the Black Panthers, as their beliefs strongly differ. After all, Pantheists believe that God could be in anything, and Black Panthers believe that God is black, but everything plainly isn't black.

I mean, my grandma has severe pigment loss in her upper arms. Just take a look at her. Y'see her, leopards and Jaguars? It's sad, really. She's on at least fifteen different meds for that condition but none of them work.

Anyway, that's why it's not very believable. But just to be careful, the United States army invaded and ransacked fifteen cathedrals, making away with all the wimmins and phat loots. A terrible day in all of PanKind indeed.