Watafakkism is a philosophy operating around the principle known as watafak, which marvels at the marvels around our marvelous world of marvel. Opponents to watafakkism are known as matafakas. They are boring. All they do is mate with their mothers and do not bother to marvel at this marvelous world Ermah Gerd created for us. Watafakkism has been accused of being a religion due to its clear connection to worship of Ermah Gerd, even though most watafakkists are atheists. Ermah Gerd exists, I tell you!
Around the birth of mankind watafakkism was born and it gave birth to marvelous inventions which have helped the mankind for countless millennia. Upon being born, it was already rejected by matafakas, who not only mated with their mothers but stayed in church all day. How boring! Matafakas truly are the people of boredom, a peculiar political system far, far away. Watafakkism destroyed the boredom in dark ages, when it shone its brightest darkness, or so the watafakkists thought. They were conditioned to believe that under the indoctrination of American Indians, until the white matafaka came and took their lands. The traditional adversary was now a friend, and the philosophy of great Watafak was forgotten momentarily. It has now been revived by the gorgeous man writing this article, hmm yes.
Watafak is this fak?
Watafakkism's central tenets are:
- Excitement is the source of happiness.
- The world is exciting.
- People view themselves as exciting out of egoism.
- People view the world as boring by default.
- Therefore, to become truly happy, one must come to the realization that it is oneself who is the boring one and the world which is the exciting one.
- This realization about oneself and the world around oneself is vital in reaching happiness.
- If all else fails, break out the fun.
If you identify as watafakkist, feel free to make use of the hashbrown #CeQuiLaBaiseSuisJe. Do not eat it. Use it. God.
Speak of the, um, devil...?
Ermah Gerd (alternatively spelled Ermuh Gert) is the step-brother of Amun-Ra, Zarathustra, Allah and Jehovah Gerd and the central deity of watafakkism. He belongs to the trinity of the meaning of life, which is composed of the self, the world and the god. He is relatively calm and usually a good sport. He likes long walks on the beach. In fact, he owns a private beach in Bahamas dedicated for beach-walking. He has never been seen doing it, however. He must be rather fit for his age, what for being here since the beginning of the universe. He prefers to mate with humans, unlike his racist brothers.
Wisdom sleeps within Watafakkism, for it is the philosophy of happiness and wisdom tends to bring happiness, so we move a full circle to come to the conclusion: "Fak it." It is the wisest thing ever heard about wisdom and has thus become the motto of a splinter group of Watafakkists known as Fakosophers. They reject our god! We must bind them to perfect unity! They must have lost sight of the exciting world of ours which could very well become theirs! We cannot let that to happen!
The traditional Fakosophic ritual involves snorting one marijuana and nothing else.
|This article is illogical enough to have made it onto the front page in 2017.
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