Intersectionalism
Intersectionalism is the belief that humanity must bend to the whims of the intersections. According to historians, it was first conceived in Kinshasa (then known as Leo's Pole Vault) in 1904 by the late early Jargle Rivers.
Emergence[edit | edit source]
Though Rivers published his manifesto in 1905, he did not, in fact, have ears, despite popular demand. This lead to intersectionalism being slow to get off the ground at first, but fear not, dear reader, for this horrid state of affairs would not last.
Intersectionalism soon made its way to France and Amerika, where it became moderately popular with the common people, as well as some of the rarer types. It was this that triggered a rise of the ideology around the globe, and by 1856 it had spread worldwide, from Arctica to Wilmington.
Theory[edit | edit source]
Intersectionalism can be difficult to explain properly, but we, being dedicated to delivering the truth, have done our best to outline its major tenets.
Intersections[edit | edit source]
Intersectionalists hold it as true that society must be governed by intersections. You can't get them not to believe this. Believe me, I've tried. It's just not possible.
This doctrine is the most core belief held by intersectionalist organizations throughout the world, though disagreement exists on what exactly this means. While some advocate for a more feudal system, where people simply swear fealty to their nearest intersection, others argue that the intersections should elect one of their own to lead humanity as president, supreme leader, god-emperor, or something of that nature. Others still have argued that these approaches are too logical, and have proposed variations on these ideas, such as serving the intersection nearest to the antipodal point of one's home, or determining the intersection god-emperor through battle in a sort of combatocratic system.
Critique of Logic[edit | edit source]
“Our movement is thoroughly aligned against logic. Logic, for what it's worth, has done very little to alleviate the suffering of thousands of innocent and guilty GHKCHXHQCXGHKHJXCG”
Thomas Hunt outlined the problems with logic, as well as other things which tbh don't sound very appetizing, in his 5-hour spoken-word jazz opera, To Cross or Not to Cross. In 1958 in Berlin, an intersectionalist protest led by Hunt's skeleton, chanting slogans such as "Nieder mit der Logik!" and "Frubub [sic] Nase der Käse!", lasted for three months, fifteen days, and two hours until the protesters got bored and went home.
Illogicians have described intersectionalism as "based" as a result of these happenings.
Ties to Socialism[edit | edit source]
Some intersectionalist philosophers, notably Ian Curtis and Zoë Quinn, have drawn parallels between intersectionalist thought and socialist values. Others, such as Zheng He, reject this, citing the following line from Rivers' manifesto:
“What, then, shall be done about the workers? Jack shit lol”
Quinn in particular has attacked Zheng on these grounds. Seriously, they came at him with a battleaxe and just went berserk. Metal as fuck. Zheng had this to say on the matter:
“Well, that was certainly something. Same time next Friday?”
Laissez-Faire[edit | edit source]
Contrary to how other schools of thought use the term, "laissez-faire" here means that everything must be fair for the laissezes. And honestly, who can blame them? They didn't choose to fly off into the distance. Poor laissezes.
Curtis' sci-fi short story Mutant Aid: A Factorial of About Fifty-Three or So has been cited by many contemporary intersectionalists as a landmark work in this field, that other field, and that one empty field.
Skeleton War[edit | edit source]
Some schools of intersectionalist thought, such as Ghkchxhqcxghkhjxcgism, also call for a skeleton war, in which the deceased band together in an unholy army and set sail atop Naglfar to engage in the final boss battle. When this shall occur is wholly unknown, though estimates usually land between 1000 and 51012342.
Somalia[edit | edit source]
Actually, Somalia has nothing to do with this. I have no idea why that header is there, it just appeared when I wasn't looking. I've tried to get rid of it countless times in a dozen different ways, to no avail. At this point, I think it's easier to just leave it there.
Responses from Intersections[edit | edit source]
Intersections themselves have a wide variety of opinions on this matter. Examples are listed below, translated into English when necessary.
“What? Why would I want to rule over the humans? I'm just a patch of concrete where two roads meet, I'm not qualified to govern!”
“You know what? Yeah, why shouldn't we be in charge? I'm tired of humans just driving all over me! Show me some damn respect for once!”
“These self-proclaimed 'intersectionalists' don't give two shits about us, and frankly I'm sick of it. Half of them are teenagers who are only there for shits and giggles, and the other half are anemoid larpers who don't know the first thing about building a movement! What a fucking joke.”
See also[edit | edit source]
- There is nothing to see. Begone with you.
