Notsoccer
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“He has the ball, he takes it past one, past another, he's clean through. HE SCORES!!!! What an idiot.”
“Àthiesm is a religion in the same way notsoccer is a sport”
Notsoccer is a ball sport played exclusively by religious athiests. It should not be confused with possiblesoccer which is played only by agnostics, though agnostics are unsure wether this is the case. Maybe.
How to Play[edit | edit source]
The game is relatively simple. Basically it is like soccer, but the team which scores the least amount of goals wins. Notsoccer has no referee, so all the players are free to make decisions for themselves and not be subject to a higher power. Contary to the beliefs of many theists, this does not lead to anarchy on the field, though some theists use this as proof that notsoccer players actually acknowledge referees in their heart.
Nonsoccer versus Soccer[edit | edit source]
Many players are critical or dismissive of soccer. "One has to merely look at the long list of soccer-related injuries," says Richard Dawkins, "to see the negative effects. Broken toes, ruptered spleens, metetarsal fractures, elbow dislocation, death, chronic nagging(nagging...nagging...nagging...), epilipsy and inflammed ankles...and that's just Saha." Others are quick to denounce the prices at soccer games as being indicative of a money making racket, asking how anyone could believe that superbly gifted professional atheletes can't play as well without you paying lots of money to support them. Soccer-related violence has also been attacked (non-violently) by atheists. One rarely sees soccer hooligans at a nonsoccer match, points out Sam Harris, though they frequent soccer matchs (as well as the jewellery counter at Argos).
Famous Teams[edit | edit source]
- Manchester City: Famed for their gloriusly innefficent attack.
- Pro Evolution 5 Master League Team (Default Players): Notable for their wonderfully leaky defence, life-threatening lack of pace, and George Bush level incompetence.
- Radiohead-The Bends: Are they even a team? Doesn't matter, no list is complete without Radiohead's The Bends. (See NME's Law)
Great Players[edit | edit source]
- Maradonta, the Argentinian, is widely regarded as the best to have ever played the game, though his reputation is somewhat undermined by his cheating, which contradicts the basic tenets of social darwinism.
- George Worst, a virginial tee-totaler from Southern Ireland, was once of the most creative notsoccer players of his era. His success is attributed to his clean-living and professionalism, which earned him the nickname of "the fifth monkey".
- Sissoko, who currently plys his trade at Liverpool, has earned high praise for his inablity to keep possession, and is even able to pass to oppenents during closed training sessions at his club. However, his legendary status at the club is in danger of being overshadowed by the rising star of Lucas Leiva, an astute find plucked from Notsoccer backwater Brazil, whose all-round incompetence in every department of the game has won many plaudits from fans and pundits alike.
