The Competitive Suicide League

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The Competitive Suicide League was an American sporting league where players had to kill themselves the fastest and the most awesome. Such stunts as jumping into a vat of acid filled with giant sharks were performed for extreme style points though not as efficient. Those looking for an efficient touch went for methods such as shooting one's head with a pistol and jumping off of a building. The most famous stunt in the history of the league was when professional Ronald Kitzin beheaded himself by putting a chainsaw on a electrically constructed timer that swung like an arm; clean chopping off his head. It took 5 seconds and he got 50/50 for style. It was known as "a pretty gangster-ass way to die" by most of the judges and one fan said, "Shit! I'm trying this when I get home!" The record for fastest time in history is when J.T. Cutwell of Sacremento, California fired a pistol aimed at his head in .0004 seconds. The crowd was shocked at how fast his index finger moved. The league ended because all of the competitors died and there was no one left that actually wanted to kill themselves with no rhyme or reason.

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