Wikipedia 2: A Puzzle of Flesh

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Did you see the memo about those TPS reports?

“Let us go then, you and I.”

~ J. Alfred Prufrock on his autobiography.

“Get a fresh job at WynTech and murder your coworkers.”

~ Curtis Craig on me hearing that Curtis.

“Goodbye, Carly.”

~ Jennette McCurdy on iCarly.

“Goodbye, chocolate people.”

~ Miranda Cosgrove on poor dead J. Alfred Diddley.

This is the story of the Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame, for something that he never done.

Dating tips for delinquent debutants[edit]

Hey girl, you look like the type of person that would really enjoy polishing bowling balls while I watch. Why don’t you just hunker down in your overalls and blow smoke up my carbuncle? That could be more fun than shelling shellfish back into their shells. Like little lost lambs on the beachfront toxic, we must all eat juicy young coconuts. We must all take in salt and convert it to the meaty chunks so soon that only the meaty wallpaper is left up to catch all the blood squirting out of our fingers. That’s the way the money goes when you pop goofballs and sleep in the sewers with your shoes untied, never to know again the sweet and possibly salty taste of a kiss delivered to you via a hobo.

All my pearly whites are donning tulips[edit]

But then again, your ice cream might melt on me and that would be bad. Very bad. Always be sure to tuck your underwear into your suitcase and whistle the day away while you milk your grandmother’s eggplants. Your grandmother wants a man with a strong hand and you look like just the donut for the job. But try to feed the hippo while your pants are unzipped or else the crows will swoop down to peck out your liquor like the human beard that you are. That would be bad. Very bad. Like, lackluster film making bad and you will only have yourself to blame. That guy has been back there for hours. What is he doing, writing his homework on the back of his tongue?

Booty[edit]

BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY

EVERYWHERE!

Coal Porter and the Stubby Stabbers[edit]

All my teeth have rotten out and there are tulips growing in their place, which can’t be good. Not very good at all. I have a bookshelf and on that bookshelf are all the works of Our Lord High Lucifer Satan. He is a great writer. All of his books are guaranteed best sellers of only the highest caliber. The paper is made out of the flesh of asphyxiated orphans and the ink consist entirely of the untainted blood of virgin prostitutes. Hail Cthulhu! May all her mighty eggs be planted in the tender young flesh of overturned milk cartons. Cthulhu will usher in a new era of baloney and burnt toast for all the children to use as bulletproof vests. No one will survive the wrath of the infamous bloated headboard.

Statler and Waldorf take it to the Thunderdome[edit]

Ok, I’m going to level with you: I really know absolutely nothing about Simple English Wikipedia and had no idea what to write about so I just simply let my mind wander at leisure and type out the first thing that popped into my mind. Looking back this probably wasn’t a good idea since this page is nothing more than a rambling mess of random words strung together with absolutely no cohesive narrative. Heck, I highly doubt that this has held your interest long enough for you to even make it this far down the article, which is good considering that I’m basically admitting that I am an unfunny hack without the talent nor humor to pull off a successful Illogicopedia articles. I am seriously disappointed in myself.