Cranky Kong

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Back in mah days, I would run circles around these idiots, their fancy graphics, and the fancy malarkey they pass off as "fun". Back in my day, video game consoles were as efficient as steam engines!”

Cranky Kong trying to win the science fair at the nursing home

Sir Donkey Jackass "Cranky" Kong is an elderly ape who inhabits a nursing home where he gives crappy insults and advice to his grandson Donkey Kong and whines about the days of old. He also likes throwing balls in Swanky's tent.

Biography[edit]

Days of Old[edit]

Cranky began his career as Jumpman's pet, juggling some stuff. He later started throwing barrels at said fat plumber/carpenter known as Jumpman (who would later become the famous/infamous vidja game villain/hero/antihero Super Mario). He kept a Princess named Pauline in captivity. She would later evolve into Princess Toadstool and Bowser took Cranky's job in taking her from her castle.

Missin' the Old Days[edit]

Apparently, after his defeat by the hands of... "Stanley the Bugman", Cranky migrated to Donkey Kong Island; here he grew old and bitter.

He threw his cane everywhere and whined some more.

Also, his wife is now a ghost. Also, ghosts are real.