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“If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? It would take a smarter man then me to correct this.”
The partners of Cole Phelps[edit | edit source]
- Ralph Dunn: The first in a long line of do-nothing partners. Dunn looks like a tub of margarine and is about as smart as a suitcase full of shoehorns.
- Stefan Bekowsky: A Polish guy who spends more time pissing into the wind than solving any crimes. He is a total waste of tax payer money.
- Finbarr “Rusty” Galloway: Basically Ernest Hemingway sans the literary talent.
- Roy Earle: Being a thoroughly corrupt cop in every way possible, Roy is more interesting in ingesting drugs and getting kickbacks than pulling criminals off the streets. He is also a racist misogynist but since this is the 1904s no one really seems to care.
- Herschel Biggs: An old timer from the old school, Biggs spends his days picking through charred bodies while trying to solve arson cases.
How to solve crimes like Cole Phelps[edit | edit source]
- When you arrived at the scene of the crime, make sure to touch every single piece of evidence with your bare hands.
- If a person blinks, they're lying.
- When running through crossfire, always make sure to casually adjust your hat.
- Threaten to send everyone to the gas chamber.
- If a person's face twitches, he's telling the truth.
- When apprehending a suspect, make sure to announce your presence when you are a good 30 feet away from him, thus giving him ample time to run away from you.
- When interrogating a suspect, make sure to yell at them for no particular reason at all.
- Running people over with your car is okay, but only if you have the siren on.
- Treat your partner like your personal chauffeur.
- If he lives in apartment 2, he's a criminal.
- If he wears a size 8 shoe, he's a serial killer.
Phelps in action[edit | edit source]