The Order 1886

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My name is Sir Gallahad. A gallant knight who had discovered a massive conspiracy within my own Order (see what I did there?) in the year 1886, I made it my duty to discover why the very cause I sought to uphold was falling apart all around me. But first, I must mass-murder some bedlemites who refuse to bow down to the Crown. What, they started it!

Anyway, after shooting down all those bedlemites with my unrealistically attractive and empowered female companion who may or may not be my sister, I see one of them. A Lycan, you know, like those werewolves in Underworld. And Twilight. Though they aren't called Lycans in Twilight and their mythology might be very different, I mean there was this really stupid story that the Quileute-wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Lycans or half-breeds are people who morph into wolves who are very scary which is why we've been murdering them ever since the reign of our founder King Arthur. You know, the Excalibur guy who lifted a sword from that stone, or whatever. Oh, and it looks like we must spy on some of those bedlemites again, awesome! My maybe sister knows this guy, Lucien, who's really high up and can authorize missions when our Council chief is being an ass.

Anyway, spyety spy. Spyety spy with my little eye, oh look, a postcard that I can pick up and twirl! Okay, that's done, now, yeah, yeah you hate the queen, blah-blah-blah and-SNIPER! Oh cool, we're shooting again, YAY! You know, the screen aspect ratio makes it really difficult to pop out of cover, but that's the price you have to pay for the cinematic effect, right?

So anyway, the bedlemites are done, thanks to this epic armamant called a thermite rifle. You know, like the weapon mod in Mass Effect. Anyway, Tesla made it, he makes all our stuff, and Thomas Edison is such a fucking tool that-oh yeah, the bedlemites! They were using our weapons, like, WTF?

So now my awesome mentor named Perceival wants us to break into a blimp because bedlemites want to assassinate Warren Hastings of the East India Company. Can't say that I blame them, the Company is full of assholes, but duty is duty I guess. Time for an insta-fail stealth mission!

Okay, now I can see Hastings. Hmm...bedlemites have infiltrated the guards. Yeah, Perceival, I'm pointing them out now, and-SNIPER! Oh, another shootout I guess. We're gonna have to evacuate the whole place, but me and Perceival are gonna capture the rebel leaders! 0 n0es, one of them has a bomb! You don't have to do this-AAAARGH!!

Where am I? Oh, still inside that blimp? And there's Perceival! And he's dead! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Anyway, the Council chief HAS to listen to me now...oh wait, he's saying Perceival was an idiot. Well, fuck him!

And Hastings is under attack! Again! Those rebels, I'm gonna make them pay! No, shut up, I'm not retreating!

Now I'm back at Bedlemite HQ. Aha, there the leaders are! Hmm...Rani Lakshmi is kind of nice. She doesn't want to kill everybody because it's fun, she just wants to kill Warren Hastings because he's a vampire. Okay, cool. The East India Company are a bunch of assholes anyway. Now I know why.

Dammit, the Council chief STILL won't listen to me! But at least Lucien is on board. Good, we can expose Hastings together. Time for another insta-fail stealth mission!

AHA! There you are Hastings! And you're a vampire now! Let me just-oh no, Lucien, you're a Lycan! Goddamit, Lucien just-AAARGH-oh, that tickles!-AAAAARGH!!!!

Wait, the Order is here! 1886, for the win! Wait, why are you all looking at me like that? No, no I'm innocent, I'm innocent, you can't execute me!

Well, looks like I've been sentenced to death and all my friends, including my maybe sister, hate me. Now I'll just sulk in my cell and-wait, what are you guys doing here? No, no waterboarding, ANYTHING BUT THE WATERBOARDING AAAAARGH-BLBLBLBLBBLB-AAAARGH-BLBLBLBLBLB-AAARGH-*pant*.

I've gotta get out. I've gotta get out. Quick-Time-Event TAKEDOWN! Oh yeah!

Oh, damn it, everyone from the Order has caught up to me. Well, I'm a dead man anyway, so I guess I'll just jump into this river and die by MY WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Oh, it looks like I'm not dead because Tesla rescued me. How very nice of you, Tesla, bye!

But doesn't that mean they're gonna execute Tesla now? Oh shit, I've gotta rescue him by breaking into the very organization that wants me dead! Hey, at least I'm selfless!

Phew, I've gotten hold of Tesla. Now we just need to get out and-LUCIEN! This time, we finish this!

Quick-Time-Event-Cinemelee (seriously, look it up)-TAKEDOWN!

Phew, I finally beat you Lucien. But why, why did you do this?

What do mean your kind aren't evil? You're playing me, right? Come on, admit it, you're playing me!

Oh wait, the Council Chief is here? Wait, you knew Lucien was a Lycan. So you killed his family, but decided to spare him because he was an infant? So, does that mean that all Lycans aren't evil?

Wait, what do you mean nobody can find out about this? Who cares about the Order? I can't go back there? You're not making any sense, Council chief!

Wait, you want me to kill Lucien now? This is fucked up, this so fucked up.

I'm sorry Lucien. *BANG*

Oh, and it looks like the place is under martial law now. Man, did my life just stop making sense. Yeah, Tesla, I'll be on my way out. But you should no, I'm Gallahad no more.