Goat Simulator

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Goat Simulator is a platformer/physics/simulation/ovine-based/egglike/butter/god game made by Coffee Stain Studios. It holds the titles of Best Computer Game Of 2014, Funniest Game Of 2014, Most Accurate Simulation Game As Of 2014, and IUEFGHJKLUY4EJM4IRSTCXMJNW4UIYIM5UT3HMDFJHKDGWFHKLEUWGDHLMERJGWIOHKGHNRERREKWUN Of 2014. It is a completely accurate, realistic, and logical ga— oh, wait, it appears we have already passed the recommended amount of sarcasm… THIS GAME MAKES ZERO SENSE WHATSOEVER. This therefore makes it the greatest game of all time, all hail goat. Yes.

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For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on Goat Simulator.
Hold up, are you sure this isn't a picture of a real-life goat?

Itz Colt[edit]

Goat Simulator has led to the existence of the Goat Simulating Cult. These people perform actions extremely devoted to the well-being of the genus of Carpa. The only known actions (which have also all gotten headlines, because hddhjffhjeklwjudkdvhjcejhrk) are the following:

  • Putting materials between the bones of some unlucky female canines, to prevent them from fusing in the future.
  • Feeding themselves to goats in petting zoos.
  • Releasing dozens of foreign goats into New(e) York City.
  • Suing Mac-Don-oldz when they started selling the lamb burger.
  • Performing surprisingly professional surgery on a few citizens of Wales, in order to make their tongues longer.
  • Staining stuff with coffee.
  • Attempting to start another Apollo mission.
  • Calling Superman a wuss.
  • Giving Goat Simulator a rating of infinity/10 and every other game a rating of worst/10.
  • Infilitrating Google head-quarters, forcing them to not go all-out with their 2016 April Fools Joke.
  • Breaking faces-er-i-mean vaces-er-i-mean vases.
  • Forcing me to come back and leave every four months or so.
  • Almost making me type "four years" instead of "four months".
  • Ruining the simplicity of the "i before e" rule.
  • DATA REDACTED, SKRUBZ
  • Licking every goat in the world-no, universe.
  • Being crazy.
  • And finally, creating human-goat hybrids in an attempt to conquer the galaxy.

It is unknown whether or not goats like burgers.

Mutators[edit]

In case people would get bored of this game after any amount of time less than a couple of hours, Soffee Ctain Stoodyos added some mutator thingies.

Different "Goats"[edit]

  • deadmau5
  • Tall Goat is a giraffe.
  • Feather Goat is an ostrich with a tongue... wait, hold on... never mind, ostriches [already have tongues].
  • Giant Goat turns your goat into Moby the Dick. According to Google, this equates to a size increase of about/around 1000%.
  • Space Goat... erm... yeah, aliens.
  • Robot Goat is constantly smiling. All the time. Does it know something we don't?
  • Classy Goat has the most essential ability in all of video games: the belly slide.
  • Shopping Goat... ok, seriously, why?!!? Why can I play as a freaking Shopping Cart?!!? WHAT WERE THE DEVS ON?!!??!!?
  • Microwave... OK THATS IT IM DONE
  • Old Goat is best goat.
  • Hitchhiker Goat makes more Giant Goats. This is one of the few known methods of reproduction that is neither sexual nor asexual.

But don't take our word for it! Here's what others have to say:[edit]

“goat simulator”

~ goat simulator

“I licked a car through a fence and it exploded. I then flew out of the map and into space. 10/10.”

~ Pragma, Juppixon, & Himon (Steam users)

“goat/10”

~ Doctor Scrumpy (Steam user)

“Playing this game is like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s something I can only do when I’m a goat.”

~ Doctor Parnassus (Steam user)

“GOATY. Changed our perception of reality as we know it.”

“You must waste your 10 bucks on literally anything else.”

~ Coffee Stain Studios

“Baa.”

~ Goat

“Goat Simulator has a deep story line and boasts some of the best physics and graphics I've seen in any modern day game. The portrayal of each character is well thought-out and the achievements gained by playing the game are meaningful. Whether you are gracefully flying over a map after a large explosion, or helping a person cross the road, players of all ages are bound to enjoy this game. My grandmother watched me play the game, and now she has set up her own Steam account for the sole purpose of playing Goat Simulator. Even my dog Clifford is getting into it, and now has accumulated over 300 hours worth of solid gamplay. Coffee Stain Studios should be given a big pat on the back and a rousing round of applause. 11/10- Would lick again”

~ Raboochie (Steam user)

“An incredibly accurate simulator of the life of a goat.”

~ TrixyNixy

“IS THIS THE REAL LIFE”

~ Felis Lupis questioning his life choices

“Throughout my entire life, friends, family, teachers and doctors told me I would never goat. Well look at me now. 10/10”

~ Moar Rainbows Please (Steam user)

“I am not sure what I am playing here... Still, it deserves a thumbs up because it is a unique experience with a lot of creative ideas thrown in the mix.”

~ Pakkidis (Steam user)

“Have been chatting to people for 3 hours until I realized that I wasn't really playing online. 10/10 would talk to bots again”

~ Sanderti (Steam user)

“the book was better”

~ Zoinks (Steam user)

“Licked a woman — did not get arrested — 69/10 beastialty sim 2k14 IGN approves”

~ Pappa Burke (Steam user)

“This game gave me PhD in physics.”

~ 2Chaimz (Steam user)

“:)”

~ emoticon

“Baaaah. Baaaaaaaaaaaah. Baah. Baaaah. — Baaah/Baaah — Baaaaah. Baaaaaaah. Baah.”

~ Aythadis (Steam user)

“Goat Simulator prevented my suicide”

~ Life is Apples (Steam user)

“jirascejorwkejrmche dvjchmeiqjri avhrcbrjkq cbo4”

~ We legitimately don't know.

“Works better/less buggy than Battlefield 4/COD Ghosts.”

~ alfuh, Ned Flanders, and Schnee (Steam users)

“I need Goat Simulator in my life!”

~ Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg

“I pressed downvote to make you stop scrolling in the negative section and play the damn game.”

~ Diisruption (Steam user)

“Ung!”

~ Goat (again)

“Wow, that's a lot of quotes.”

~ You, probably

“Have been chatting to people for 3 hours until I realised I wasn't really playing online. 10/10 would talk to bots again”

~ Sanderti (Steam user)

“the book was better”

~ Zoinks (Steam user)

“GOAT SIMULATOR HAS PASSED THE VIBE CHECK”

~ Vibe Check Meme

“I crashed into a garden party, set everyone on fire with a stove and dragged them into the forest, to sacrifice the people to satan, so I could become a demon goat. 10/10 would play again”

~ DEAFinitely (Steam user)

“Still a better MMO than The Elder Scrolls online.”

~ Paper Kenny (Steam user)

“You can play as a giraffe. 11/10”

~ PackSOMEpuppies (Steam user)

“more goats pls”

~ Vice Magazine

“i'm a goat irl and this is an accurate representation of my people”

~ Holiday eeling (Steam user)

“Baaaah. Baaaaaaaaaaaah. Baah. Baaaah. — Baaah/Baaah — Baaaaah. Baaaaaaah. Baah.”

~ More Goat

“Needed to get some points. Licked a person. He ran away screaming. Got the desired points. 10/10 would lick again.”

~ tesla (Steam user)

“Would play and/or lick again”

~ Multiple people, apparently

See also[edit]