Team Fortress 2

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For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on Team Fortress 2.

Playable Characters[edit | edit source]

Scout[edit | edit source]

“Need a dispenser here!”
~ Scout, being annoying

BONK! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! I'M BACK, DUMMY! DOC, THIS WAY! UH, NO! THAT FREAKIN' SCOUT'S A SPY! DOC, THIS WAY! YO, INCOMING! THIS SUCKS ON ICE! EAT MY DUST! DIDN'T HURT! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! I'M BACK, DUMMY! DOC, THIS WAY! UH, NO! THAT FREAKIN' SCOUT'S A SPY! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! THAT FREAKIN' SCOUT'S A SPY! DOC, THIS WAY! YO, INCOMING! THIS SUCKS ON ICE! SENTRY UP THERE! DOC, COME ON, MAN! THANKS, PALLY! LET'S MOVE IT UP! BONK! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! BONK!

Soldier[edit | edit source]

“Screamin' eagles!”
~ Soldier, flying

'Murica.

Pyro[edit | edit source]

“Mhhph mh mh mhhp mh mhp mhpph mhhpp!”
~ Pyro, threatening to chop someone in two

Gameplay aside, the main draw to Pyro is that nobody knows who he is. There's only one thing about her that we know is definitely true, and that's that it sets things on fire. Some say he doesn't speak, but there's definitely something being said under that mask. You can just barely make out what she might be saying - if you've lived with a smoker for the last few years of your life. Its behavior doesn't help, either: in fact, it's almost as if there are some contradictions! We don't even know Pyro's gender, for crying out loud! And it hasn't really been a running trend with the Pyros: the first one was a guy, and the second one was female.

Demoman[edit | edit source]

“There can be only one!”
~ Demoman, after winning a fencing match

Demoman is a drunken, decapitating, grenade-launching, peg-legged, and flying black Scottish cyclops.

NOT RANDOM ENOUGH.

Heavy[edit | edit source]

“I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.”
~ Heavy, in a rare moment of not screaming

In many ways, the Hevy is pretty much Micheal P. except 40 and Russian.

Engineer[edit | edit source]

“That's what ya get!”
~ Engineer, after murdering someone

Medic[edit | edit source]

“MEEEDIIIC!”
~ Medic, making fun of his teammates

Sniper[edit | edit source]

“Thanks for standing still, wanker!”
~ Sniper, being a sniper

Spy[edit | edit source]

“Gentlemen.”
~ Spy, making an introduction

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